The morning started off normal enough. My alarm jolted me awake at 7:15 and after wishing I had another two hours to sleep, I rolled out of bed at 7:17, put on some clothes for modesty's sake, and stumbled down the stairs. The same routine every morning since I had been in the house.
Over the fan in the shower I could here some thumping coming from outside of the bathroom, meaning J was stirring.
I had a feeling that soon I would here the insistent knock on the door, letting me know that since he has risen, he expects to get in the bathroom as soon as possible. The knock comes, and I answer with a terse, "One minute."
I complete my routine and open the door. I was going to let it go, even though I was fuming.
He stands up from where he was sitting on the stairs like a little boy who's been pouting because he couldn't get his way.
"I don't know why you get so mad. Its 7:47. You're taking too long."
I know there is no way its that time and launch into an explanation of how I get up at the same time every morning and its not my fault if one morning he decides to get up at 7:30 and 8:00 the next. It wasn't fair and I'm not taking too long.
"Well I have to shave!" I start to explain again that he's just rude, and he can wait one minute before bothering me and rushing me and then he does it. He rolls his eyes at me.
There are two things you want to refrain from doing concerning me and they are patronizing me or thinking I'm stupid. Rolling his eyes was a direct link to patronizing in my mind. I can't stand being dismissed in that way.
So I lost it.
A red mist descended in front of me and became detached from my body. I screamed, I swore, I hit things, slammed things and stomped away.
How dare he?
I can't handle anger. I was shaking and teary for a good two hours after the incident. My body just can't handle the rage. It just wells up inside of me until I become something alien to myself. I get my temper from my dad. He rarely gets angry, but when he does its so frightening you can't believe that this man is the same person. I'm the same way. Some what akin to the incredible Hulk, but with out the strength part. That is probably a good thing or there would be holes in the walls of the apartment. One would have been J shaped.
That's why J was probably only the 5th or 6th person to see a reaction like that from me. Three are my parents and older brother and the other two are exes, C and M. M saw it only once and learned his lesson. I am easy going and very slow to anger, in fact, I rarely ever get mad, but it was time I suppose.
It was building up. I had kept my cool for most of the move-in process, through the rent dispute, through the dishes debacle and furniture arrangement. I didn't get mad when he used my down comforter for him and some chick and the put it back half hanging out of the duvet cover in a disprespectful way. I let that all go, but that morning I couldn't.
I scared him. He showered in the other bathroom. He doesn't get it though and I sincerely think that he never will. To him, the world will always revolve around J and only J.
At least now he'll think twice about rushing me in the bathroom.
Its been a long week and that was just part of it. The new person at work, the all-work staff meeting, unfulfilled promises from unworthy boys, A having a different girl over every night, thus banishing me to my room lest I become the third wheel. Its just been exhausting this week. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. The long weekend will be a welcomed reprieve from my life. I'm going into hiding at my parents and I hope I'll be able to start fresh on Tuesday!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Blur
I've been seeing everything somewhat blurry for the past few days. I hate this time of year at work, and implementing new procedures now, instead of in June when I could have really worked with them, is driving me insane. My new assistant started on Monday too, and now I realize I have a valid answer to my mother's insistent question:
"Why don't you get your teaching certificate?"
Well, to me it is now shockingly clear that I cannot teach. I have no idea how to help this poor, unaware woman learn how to do her new job or how to help me.
As I type this, I have one eye closed because of the blinding pain above my right eye. Its stressful to be responsible for another person. I'm going to have to stop thinking about it for now, but this is also the time of year where I wake up at 5 am thinking about things I have to do at work or things I've forgotten to do at work. Its frustrating because this job means NOTHING to me, and yet I still get stressed!
Hopefully I will think of something more interesting to write about other than work.
My Crush did call on Sunday night asking me if I wanted to go out with him and some of his friends (?) either tonight or tomorrow. We shall see. Having lost faith in most men in the past two weeks, I'm not anticipating much!
"Why don't you get your teaching certificate?"
Well, to me it is now shockingly clear that I cannot teach. I have no idea how to help this poor, unaware woman learn how to do her new job or how to help me.
As I type this, I have one eye closed because of the blinding pain above my right eye. Its stressful to be responsible for another person. I'm going to have to stop thinking about it for now, but this is also the time of year where I wake up at 5 am thinking about things I have to do at work or things I've forgotten to do at work. Its frustrating because this job means NOTHING to me, and yet I still get stressed!
Hopefully I will think of something more interesting to write about other than work.
My Crush did call on Sunday night asking me if I wanted to go out with him and some of his friends (?) either tonight or tomorrow. We shall see. Having lost faith in most men in the past two weeks, I'm not anticipating much!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
B is for Boring
What a week!
Noting and I mean nothing has happened. My highlight was that I finally got to the gym in my new neighborhood. Of course I pulled a muscle and haven't been back since, but I've done the first time so that's over. Other than that I've basically just atrophied into a pool of lethargic goo.
In order to possibly insert some excitement into my otherwise boring existence this week, I have considered an invitation from Friend C to join her tonight at a bar in Cambridge. Innocent enough and I know you're thinking what's the big deal, just go to the bar. I agree, not a big deal, except, C is in Medical School and this is a Med school function.
This is C's second year in Med School so I've already been to several Med events and I have since decided I would rather rip off my fingernails than go to them. So the fact that I am considering going speaks VOLUMES for the type of week I'm having, or non-week, I should say.
Its not that the gatherings are bad, exactly. They are actually fun, or have the potential to be fun. They're always held at hip Boston bars or clubs, sometimes free food and drinks are involved, and there was the one I was dragged to around Christmas where this angry med student spit in the bartenders face and the proceeded to put his foot through a plate glass window. At least that was somewhat exciting for the moment.
Its the attendees of the parties that make them unbearable. They are all perfectly nice people individually, but together they become this frightening blob that can only talk about ONE THING. Before you know it you're surrounded by it and you can't escape, its suffocating you. You finally realize that you are drowning in a shallow pool of pretentious medical school speak. I can not blame them, for the most part it is their life, but its so boring to an outsider! I doubt they care about what anyone outside their exclusive circle thinks, but still. They have to be able to talk about something other than classes and school. They just can't relate to someone outside their circle.
I wonder how their bedside manner will be?
Its great when the ask me what year I am.
Med Student "What year are you?"
Me, "Oh I don't go here."
MS, "Oh," they are grasping for words, panic in their eyes. "What do you do?"
This is the best part! "I work in the arts, in non-profits." I smile my best smile and wait for it. By it I mean the blank stare. My profession could not bring me further from the world of a Med Student. I mean the majority of them are Type A, over achievers who have known they have wanted to be Doctors since they were small. Where as I am usually described as "not applying myself" (a fact I am aware of and completely at peace with.)
The conversation usually drops after that. Then I'm stuck wandering around, hoping not to look too much out of place, but never really succeeding. So I'm considering subjecting myself to this type of event, just to get out of the house.
I have been playing text tag with D about possibly getting together before he leaves Boston for good, but that's just producing a lot of empty promises. My Crush has been silent since the party, though I'm not surprised.
Confused yes, surprised, not so much.
Noting and I mean nothing has happened. My highlight was that I finally got to the gym in my new neighborhood. Of course I pulled a muscle and haven't been back since, but I've done the first time so that's over. Other than that I've basically just atrophied into a pool of lethargic goo.
In order to possibly insert some excitement into my otherwise boring existence this week, I have considered an invitation from Friend C to join her tonight at a bar in Cambridge. Innocent enough and I know you're thinking what's the big deal, just go to the bar. I agree, not a big deal, except, C is in Medical School and this is a Med school function.
This is C's second year in Med School so I've already been to several Med events and I have since decided I would rather rip off my fingernails than go to them. So the fact that I am considering going speaks VOLUMES for the type of week I'm having, or non-week, I should say.
Its not that the gatherings are bad, exactly. They are actually fun, or have the potential to be fun. They're always held at hip Boston bars or clubs, sometimes free food and drinks are involved, and there was the one I was dragged to around Christmas where this angry med student spit in the bartenders face and the proceeded to put his foot through a plate glass window. At least that was somewhat exciting for the moment.
Its the attendees of the parties that make them unbearable. They are all perfectly nice people individually, but together they become this frightening blob that can only talk about ONE THING. Before you know it you're surrounded by it and you can't escape, its suffocating you. You finally realize that you are drowning in a shallow pool of pretentious medical school speak. I can not blame them, for the most part it is their life, but its so boring to an outsider! I doubt they care about what anyone outside their exclusive circle thinks, but still. They have to be able to talk about something other than classes and school. They just can't relate to someone outside their circle.
I wonder how their bedside manner will be?
Its great when the ask me what year I am.
Med Student "What year are you?"
Me, "Oh I don't go here."
MS, "Oh," they are grasping for words, panic in their eyes. "What do you do?"
This is the best part! "I work in the arts, in non-profits." I smile my best smile and wait for it. By it I mean the blank stare. My profession could not bring me further from the world of a Med Student. I mean the majority of them are Type A, over achievers who have known they have wanted to be Doctors since they were small. Where as I am usually described as "not applying myself" (a fact I am aware of and completely at peace with.)
The conversation usually drops after that. Then I'm stuck wandering around, hoping not to look too much out of place, but never really succeeding. So I'm considering subjecting myself to this type of event, just to get out of the house.
I have been playing text tag with D about possibly getting together before he leaves Boston for good, but that's just producing a lot of empty promises. My Crush has been silent since the party, though I'm not surprised.
Confused yes, surprised, not so much.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Expectations
"He's not what I expected from you." slurred J, Saturday night at our house warming party.
My Crush had decided to grace me with his presence, along with two of his friends.
I squinted over to where he was standing with them, keg cups squashed in their hands, looking decidedly out of place. I paused.
"What were you expecting?" I tilted my head to the side to better focus on J's response. The party around us was making conversation very difficult.
"I'm not sure. Bigger?"
"He's tall!" I exclaimed.
"Yah, not that way bigger, just," He makes a sweeping motion across his shoulders. "You know."
"Muscular?" My Crush is somewhat on the thin side, but not bean-pole thin in the least bit.
"I guess I expected more like G or D." Again with the sweeping motion. I was glad at that point his beer was in his other hand.
"Yes, and those worked out great."
"I just don't see it."
"Hmmm, we'll see." I squinted over again, uneasy at his presence. Given that in about a half an hour J was going to pass out on his open phone with a beer in his hand and his shoes on, I took that conversation with a grain of salt.
My Crush did stay for a while and then left me high and dry with his friends. Granted I suppose he could not disappear on his friends, but still I was bit put out and left feeling a little confused on whether or not I actually wanted to pursue this little flirtation any further. I'm trying to decide if My Crush is not interested or just that clue-less!
Hello Crush! Drunk, cute, deprived girl here! You don't leave. If you have to leave, to say, drop off your two friends, then you come back!
I doubt I made the best impression on his friends seeing as by the time they got there I was about 10 Beer pong games deep, my feet were filthy, my hair a tangled mess and I had changed into my grey Army t-shirt to compliment my beer pong partner's grey Navy t-shirt.
The party was fun though. I was worried about the whole idea of mostly people I didn't know in and out of my place, drinking and being drunk, but the party was mostly confined to the back yard. A set up a tent and tables and a grill, and it was actually very civilized.
Yet again more hard evidence that we are definitely getting old.
My Crush had decided to grace me with his presence, along with two of his friends.
I squinted over to where he was standing with them, keg cups squashed in their hands, looking decidedly out of place. I paused.
"What were you expecting?" I tilted my head to the side to better focus on J's response. The party around us was making conversation very difficult.
"I'm not sure. Bigger?"
"He's tall!" I exclaimed.
"Yah, not that way bigger, just," He makes a sweeping motion across his shoulders. "You know."
"Muscular?" My Crush is somewhat on the thin side, but not bean-pole thin in the least bit.
"I guess I expected more like G or D." Again with the sweeping motion. I was glad at that point his beer was in his other hand.
"Yes, and those worked out great."
"I just don't see it."
"Hmmm, we'll see." I squinted over again, uneasy at his presence. Given that in about a half an hour J was going to pass out on his open phone with a beer in his hand and his shoes on, I took that conversation with a grain of salt.
My Crush did stay for a while and then left me high and dry with his friends. Granted I suppose he could not disappear on his friends, but still I was bit put out and left feeling a little confused on whether or not I actually wanted to pursue this little flirtation any further. I'm trying to decide if My Crush is not interested or just that clue-less!
Hello Crush! Drunk, cute, deprived girl here! You don't leave. If you have to leave, to say, drop off your two friends, then you come back!
I doubt I made the best impression on his friends seeing as by the time they got there I was about 10 Beer pong games deep, my feet were filthy, my hair a tangled mess and I had changed into my grey Army t-shirt to compliment my beer pong partner's grey Navy t-shirt.
The party was fun though. I was worried about the whole idea of mostly people I didn't know in and out of my place, drinking and being drunk, but the party was mostly confined to the back yard. A set up a tent and tables and a grill, and it was actually very civilized.
Yet again more hard evidence that we are definitely getting old.
Friday, August 18, 2006
ESP
I had to talk to someone last night, so I chose G. Well he was REALLY my only option, but still my first choice.
He answered with hello.
"Hi" I replied.
"You're depressed." Not a question, but a statement.
"No I'm not." I insisted without feeling.
"I can tell you are."
"You can tell by the word "Hi?"
"Yes."
"Well maybe I am, but I don't know why."
"See I knew it."
"Well aren't you just a flippin' genius!"
Of course I couldn't tell him what was really bothering me, yet another MIA boy. My Crush has been suspiciously absent since Monday.
I believe I've mentioned that I'm inpatient, right?
He answered with hello.
"Hi" I replied.
"You're depressed." Not a question, but a statement.
"No I'm not." I insisted without feeling.
"I can tell you are."
"You can tell by the word "Hi?"
"Yes."
"Well maybe I am, but I don't know why."
"See I knew it."
"Well aren't you just a flippin' genius!"
Of course I couldn't tell him what was really bothering me, yet another MIA boy. My Crush has been suspiciously absent since Monday.
I believe I've mentioned that I'm inpatient, right?
Fall Dreamin'
At the mall last night with Girl J, keeping her company while running some wedding errands like the good bridesmaid that I am, we were suddenly slapped in the face by Fall.
fall is by far my favorite season. As welcoming as spring can be after a long New England winter, it is also unpredictable and sometimes does not materialize at all. One day you're shivering in your snow boots and the next you are applying aloe for your third degree sunburn.
Fall is a different story. After feeling out of sorts for the last few days, it took me something as random as a Halloween display in Yankee Candle to lift the spirits. The bright orange candy corn candles alternating with the midnight black licorice candles just trigger a warm homey feeling that can only be associated with the fall.
I'm done with summer, burnt out. Summer is only for students and teachers, who actually get the time off to enjoy it. Not for pathetic office workers that get to stare at the beautiful weather through thick window pains, wishing that they could be at the beach, shivering in the air conditioning. Having to endure the comments of clients about "What a beautiful day it is today!"
I'm over it all. I'm bored and my feet are constantly either too hot or too cold. I'm looking forward to football and apple crisp, Halloween candy and flaming red leaves. I'm tired of the hum and clanking of my air conditioner and waking up with chapped lips. Yes , I'm definitely over the summer. Bring on the Fall!
Change! I need change! Even if it is only the weather.
fall is by far my favorite season. As welcoming as spring can be after a long New England winter, it is also unpredictable and sometimes does not materialize at all. One day you're shivering in your snow boots and the next you are applying aloe for your third degree sunburn.
Fall is a different story. After feeling out of sorts for the last few days, it took me something as random as a Halloween display in Yankee Candle to lift the spirits. The bright orange candy corn candles alternating with the midnight black licorice candles just trigger a warm homey feeling that can only be associated with the fall.
I'm done with summer, burnt out. Summer is only for students and teachers, who actually get the time off to enjoy it. Not for pathetic office workers that get to stare at the beautiful weather through thick window pains, wishing that they could be at the beach, shivering in the air conditioning. Having to endure the comments of clients about "What a beautiful day it is today!"
I'm over it all. I'm bored and my feet are constantly either too hot or too cold. I'm looking forward to football and apple crisp, Halloween candy and flaming red leaves. I'm tired of the hum and clanking of my air conditioner and waking up with chapped lips. Yes , I'm definitely over the summer. Bring on the Fall!
Change! I need change! Even if it is only the weather.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Little Joys
I get my car back today! No more driving the soccer mom mobile that is my mom's Volvo Station wagon.
I love my car.
Its so non-descript. Its not flashy or new or eye catching, but its mine and it was the first purchase I had ever made that could be described as "adult." After three months of enduring the hour long bus ride to work, I had sufficiently saved enough to think about maybe purchasing a car. The bus wasn't that bad, but an hour commute is an hour commute, and the clientele could be somewhat shady. I did have a nice bus driver who one morning when I had switched to the bus stop a little further down the road exclaimed, "There you are! I was worried." That did warm the heart some. I felt almost guitly leaving the bus route.
Almost.
My boss at the time knew I was looking and knew of a woman from her church who was looking to get a new car and get rid of her old one. How much more trust worthy can you get. The woman was a church pianist!
Within four days I had insurance, a loan and finally a car. I didn't even have a chance to check out the car, even catch a glimpse of it, before I signed the papers. The car was mine. If someone didn't lead me to it I wouldn't have know which one it was. For some reason that didn't strike me as odd. That was how I lived in those days, as did my roommates: unsuitable men, $50 to our names before pay-day, riotous fights with each other, chugging boxed wine and dieting until our bodies begged for red meat.
I look back on myself in awe and disbelief. I'm amazed at our survival tactics, like we were playing at being grown up, but in a very real setting, three thousand miles from anything comforting and familiar. We all made it though. I don't talk to one of my roommates any more and the other is in Texas with her husband, I miss her. I feel we accomplished a very big part of growing up together.
The day my car payment booklet came and I remember flipping through it with a bit of despair. "September 2006." I thought, "I'll be paying this off forever!"
Time sure does fly!
We made it through a lot too, my little car and I. A trip up the Pacific Coast and then across country with the Driving Nazi (my ex, C. We almost left him in Des Moines.), our share of dings and accidents and way too many calls to AAA. Its a good little car, I got so much more than my money's worth.
I love my car.
Its so non-descript. Its not flashy or new or eye catching, but its mine and it was the first purchase I had ever made that could be described as "adult." After three months of enduring the hour long bus ride to work, I had sufficiently saved enough to think about maybe purchasing a car. The bus wasn't that bad, but an hour commute is an hour commute, and the clientele could be somewhat shady. I did have a nice bus driver who one morning when I had switched to the bus stop a little further down the road exclaimed, "There you are! I was worried." That did warm the heart some. I felt almost guitly leaving the bus route.
Almost.
My boss at the time knew I was looking and knew of a woman from her church who was looking to get a new car and get rid of her old one. How much more trust worthy can you get. The woman was a church pianist!
Within four days I had insurance, a loan and finally a car. I didn't even have a chance to check out the car, even catch a glimpse of it, before I signed the papers. The car was mine. If someone didn't lead me to it I wouldn't have know which one it was. For some reason that didn't strike me as odd. That was how I lived in those days, as did my roommates: unsuitable men, $50 to our names before pay-day, riotous fights with each other, chugging boxed wine and dieting until our bodies begged for red meat.
I look back on myself in awe and disbelief. I'm amazed at our survival tactics, like we were playing at being grown up, but in a very real setting, three thousand miles from anything comforting and familiar. We all made it though. I don't talk to one of my roommates any more and the other is in Texas with her husband, I miss her. I feel we accomplished a very big part of growing up together.
The day my car payment booklet came and I remember flipping through it with a bit of despair. "September 2006." I thought, "I'll be paying this off forever!"
Time sure does fly!
We made it through a lot too, my little car and I. A trip up the Pacific Coast and then across country with the Driving Nazi (my ex, C. We almost left him in Des Moines.), our share of dings and accidents and way too many calls to AAA. Its a good little car, I got so much more than my money's worth.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Why I Hate Dating
1. I'm incredibly impatient.
2. I can be horribly insecure when it comes to guys.
3. I don't do well in uncomfortable situation, and I cover my discomfort with sarcasm.
4. I can never tell where a situation is heading.
5. I don't expect a guy to want to go out with me after more than two dates. (re. #2)
6. I never believe them when they say they'll call and even though I don't expect them call I still get cranky when they don't.
7. Even though a situation is going pretty much the way it should. I still don't think its going well enough.
8. I blush and never know the right thing to say.
9. I second-guess myself to death.
10. I'm never satisfied with my appearance and I can't concentrate on anything.
I know you're thinking get a life! So am I. This is an incredibly frustrating process.
Even though My Crush called me last night and we talked today, at work, and he said he would call me when he gets back from New York, where he's going to be until Wednesday, I still have no idea if this is going well or not!
God I frustrate myself! :)
2. I can be horribly insecure when it comes to guys.
3. I don't do well in uncomfortable situation, and I cover my discomfort with sarcasm.
4. I can never tell where a situation is heading.
5. I don't expect a guy to want to go out with me after more than two dates. (re. #2)
6. I never believe them when they say they'll call and even though I don't expect them call I still get cranky when they don't.
7. Even though a situation is going pretty much the way it should. I still don't think its going well enough.
8. I blush and never know the right thing to say.
9. I second-guess myself to death.
10. I'm never satisfied with my appearance and I can't concentrate on anything.
I know you're thinking get a life! So am I. This is an incredibly frustrating process.
Even though My Crush called me last night and we talked today, at work, and he said he would call me when he gets back from New York, where he's going to be until Wednesday, I still have no idea if this is going well or not!
God I frustrate myself! :)
Friday, August 11, 2006
Numero Dos
What is up with guys keeping their eyes closed while hooking up? I mean during the actual kissing part its okay, almost expected, but when you break apart open your eyes. I'm very attractive!
I mean granted he MAY be trying to picture me naked, but still the real thing is better. Not that My Crush would know that yet. I was very well behaved last night.
Our second date took place on his turf, Allston. It is a bitch of a city with really tight parking and lots and lots of loud and annoying people, and the college kids aren't really around yet. After a nice meal of Mexican and sangria, we headed back to his apartment. The meal was nice, just a mini-freak out when the conversation started to lag. He was putting in NO effort, but lucky for me the sangria significantly loosened my tongue and I was able to babble about anything.
His apartment was nice. It looks like a guy's apartment should look. It was refreshing after living in the den of eccentricities. I could tell he wanted to make a move. I was fascinated by the whole process. The leaning in to make the shoulders touch, the brushing of the hands. It was like watching a nature program. I guess I was being slightly bratty about not helping him out much. I responded to what he did do, but didn't really give him much to work with. The best was when I got up to use the bathroom and upon my return I noticed that when he heard me he stretched both his arms along the back of the couch and when I sat next to him he dropped one down on me. It was sweet and hilarious at the same time. Much more creative than the yawn and stretch.
The stages progressed to the arm over the shoulder, to the half cuddling and finally to the laying down cuddling. The first kiss was nice, but the keeping the eyes closed afterwards bugged me. Its not just My Crush either, D would do the same thing, like he was in some weird zen trance. Very odd. I'll work through it. Either that or flick him when he doesn't open his eyes. Aversion therapy is worth a try.
That is my one complaint though. Over-all date number two gets and 8. Oh never mind, it gets a 6. I had a $40 parking ticket on my car when I finally left to sleep in my own bed.
Like a good girl, I left him wanting more.
I mean granted he MAY be trying to picture me naked, but still the real thing is better. Not that My Crush would know that yet. I was very well behaved last night.
Our second date took place on his turf, Allston. It is a bitch of a city with really tight parking and lots and lots of loud and annoying people, and the college kids aren't really around yet. After a nice meal of Mexican and sangria, we headed back to his apartment. The meal was nice, just a mini-freak out when the conversation started to lag. He was putting in NO effort, but lucky for me the sangria significantly loosened my tongue and I was able to babble about anything.
His apartment was nice. It looks like a guy's apartment should look. It was refreshing after living in the den of eccentricities. I could tell he wanted to make a move. I was fascinated by the whole process. The leaning in to make the shoulders touch, the brushing of the hands. It was like watching a nature program. I guess I was being slightly bratty about not helping him out much. I responded to what he did do, but didn't really give him much to work with. The best was when I got up to use the bathroom and upon my return I noticed that when he heard me he stretched both his arms along the back of the couch and when I sat next to him he dropped one down on me. It was sweet and hilarious at the same time. Much more creative than the yawn and stretch.
The stages progressed to the arm over the shoulder, to the half cuddling and finally to the laying down cuddling. The first kiss was nice, but the keeping the eyes closed afterwards bugged me. Its not just My Crush either, D would do the same thing, like he was in some weird zen trance. Very odd. I'll work through it. Either that or flick him when he doesn't open his eyes. Aversion therapy is worth a try.
That is my one complaint though. Over-all date number two gets and 8. Oh never mind, it gets a 6. I had a $40 parking ticket on my car when I finally left to sleep in my own bed.
Like a good girl, I left him wanting more.
Why I Actually DO Like My Job
I just witnessed a 5 year old sing Desperado by the Eagles, in its entirety.
It seriously made me laugh till my face hurt.
Too cute for words. The job had some perks.
It seriously made me laugh till my face hurt.
Too cute for words. The job had some perks.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Google Outlawed
Google should be out lawed for people over 50 and/or nosy mothers. Mainly I believe this because my mother fall into both categories.
I just received an email from my mother with the subject heading of "picture." In the body of the email she writes something to the effect that she was doing research and attaches a link. I know the link, I have been there before.
Its a link to a picture of My Crush. I curse the day I ever told my mother his name.
Of course I have already seen it having googled him the first day I figured out I was crushing on him. Its what insanely bored females, who have crushes on guys they figure will amount to nothing, do.
I'm seeing him tonight. He called last night and we made plans after a short conversation. I don't know exactly what we're doing yet. I can't decide if I like this phase of dating. Whereas it it very exciting and new, it is also gut-wrenchingly nerve wracking. Part of me is enjoying it, but the other part of me wants to throw up and yearns for some comfortableness.
Both parts want me to stop yapping like and idiot on the phone during our conversations too! That stems from the nervousness.
That phase needs to go!
I just received an email from my mother with the subject heading of "picture." In the body of the email she writes something to the effect that she was doing research and attaches a link. I know the link, I have been there before.
Its a link to a picture of My Crush. I curse the day I ever told my mother his name.
Of course I have already seen it having googled him the first day I figured out I was crushing on him. Its what insanely bored females, who have crushes on guys they figure will amount to nothing, do.
I'm seeing him tonight. He called last night and we made plans after a short conversation. I don't know exactly what we're doing yet. I can't decide if I like this phase of dating. Whereas it it very exciting and new, it is also gut-wrenchingly nerve wracking. Part of me is enjoying it, but the other part of me wants to throw up and yearns for some comfortableness.
Both parts want me to stop yapping like and idiot on the phone during our conversations too! That stems from the nervousness.
That phase needs to go!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The Fifth Roommate
He made his appearance last night. He just sat there unmoving, unphased and very unappologetic, like we were infringing on his turf. His presence changed the mood of the room, from lethargic to electrified.
I came down the stairs quickly, my bare feet slapping on the blonde wood. I didn't notice him at first, but he made no motion to be seen. I finally caught his movement out of the corner of my eye before facing him head on, not ready to make his acquaintance. At first I didn't register him, not expecting him to be there, I was quite surprised. I rudely gestured with my finger yelling accusingly at my other roommates in the room for not noticing him sooner.
I waved my finger around pointing at the offending visitor before I could spit out the words.
"OH MY GOD! That is a mouse!"
He didn't care about my distress or my refusal to continue down the last two steps. He just sat there calmly watching the Red Sox/Royals game as if he did that every night. For all we knew that could be his nightly routine. He didn't scurry or run away to hide in a secret crevice and tell his mousy friends about the crazy girl perched on the steps pointing wildly at him and to laugh over her sputtering.
"Do Something J! I'm NOT leaving this step!"
J walks by him and into the kitchen. He takes a tupperware container and places it over the intruder. The dilemma is about what to do now? I'm instructed to hold the tupperware down while we figure out how to get him to stay enclosed. Finally we manage to slip the dust pan underneath the container and I hear a faint squeaking as his tail slips out. J brings him out side and to the dumpster across the street.
I momentarily feel bad, he was only a tiny little thing, but four roommates is enough, thank you very much.
I came down the stairs quickly, my bare feet slapping on the blonde wood. I didn't notice him at first, but he made no motion to be seen. I finally caught his movement out of the corner of my eye before facing him head on, not ready to make his acquaintance. At first I didn't register him, not expecting him to be there, I was quite surprised. I rudely gestured with my finger yelling accusingly at my other roommates in the room for not noticing him sooner.
I waved my finger around pointing at the offending visitor before I could spit out the words.
"OH MY GOD! That is a mouse!"
He didn't care about my distress or my refusal to continue down the last two steps. He just sat there calmly watching the Red Sox/Royals game as if he did that every night. For all we knew that could be his nightly routine. He didn't scurry or run away to hide in a secret crevice and tell his mousy friends about the crazy girl perched on the steps pointing wildly at him and to laugh over her sputtering.
"Do Something J! I'm NOT leaving this step!"
J walks by him and into the kitchen. He takes a tupperware container and places it over the intruder. The dilemma is about what to do now? I'm instructed to hold the tupperware down while we figure out how to get him to stay enclosed. Finally we manage to slip the dust pan underneath the container and I hear a faint squeaking as his tail slips out. J brings him out side and to the dumpster across the street.
I momentarily feel bad, he was only a tiny little thing, but four roommates is enough, thank you very much.
Its Like He Knows
G has been extra attentive lately. Well as attentive as you can be when you're 3,000 miles away. A call in the middle of the day on Saturday, which is virtually unheard of, another on Monday night just minutes after I had walked in from my date with My Crush and again last night, even though he's traveling for work.
Its strange.
Its also strange that I am warmed by his attention, pleased by it. G is still number one with me and I cannot shake that feeling. We talked for two hours after my date, where I was before the call never came up and I didn't offer any information. As our conversation progressed all thoughts of the easy first date with My Crush fell away and I was consumed with G, like the date never happened. Its not like our phone calls are intense or chalk full of interesting conversation, they're just comfortable. I sleep better after them, they make me feel good.
My first thought, after the shock of being asked out by My Crush, was "G". I felt unnecessarily guilty. I don't owe him anything, but I can't shake him. I'm not doing anything wrong. If it was something in me that was missing for him, then its his loss. My life can't be put on hold, hoping some day he will realize that I am the one for him. Life doesn't work that way and as much as I am resisting moving on, I know I must.
I did ask him to friend S's wedding and November. I figured we could make a weekend out of it. He wasn't very receptive at first. "I don't do weddings." Can there be a more lame excuse than that? I got "we'll see." as a response too.
Last night it was more of the lines of, "Well now I have to worry about getting a suit." and "So we can probably leave after dinner right?" No, not right.
I'm thinking, what happens if things progress with My Crush?
At one point I asked him if he liked all the travel he does for work.
"Its not that I like it, I can just make a lot of money with it. I need to be financially stable."
I laugh, "Financially stable for what?" I'm used to him talking about buying houses and being able to retire at 55. Things I never think about. He's the ant and I'm the grasshopper.
"For you." Was his serious reply. It was so matter-of-fact that I had no response.
He makes no sense. The only thing I can think is that he just doesn't know what he wants or he wants to be at certain place in his life before he will allow himself what he wants.
I guess I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride. All I know is I don't OWE anyone anything. Its useless worry about things and who's to say that My Crush is even going to follow up?
Its just strange that he's been more attentive lately. He does work for the government, I'm keeping my eyes open for men in dark suits and sunglasses talking into head sets.
Its strange.
Its also strange that I am warmed by his attention, pleased by it. G is still number one with me and I cannot shake that feeling. We talked for two hours after my date, where I was before the call never came up and I didn't offer any information. As our conversation progressed all thoughts of the easy first date with My Crush fell away and I was consumed with G, like the date never happened. Its not like our phone calls are intense or chalk full of interesting conversation, they're just comfortable. I sleep better after them, they make me feel good.
My first thought, after the shock of being asked out by My Crush, was "G". I felt unnecessarily guilty. I don't owe him anything, but I can't shake him. I'm not doing anything wrong. If it was something in me that was missing for him, then its his loss. My life can't be put on hold, hoping some day he will realize that I am the one for him. Life doesn't work that way and as much as I am resisting moving on, I know I must.
I did ask him to friend S's wedding and November. I figured we could make a weekend out of it. He wasn't very receptive at first. "I don't do weddings." Can there be a more lame excuse than that? I got "we'll see." as a response too.
Last night it was more of the lines of, "Well now I have to worry about getting a suit." and "So we can probably leave after dinner right?" No, not right.
I'm thinking, what happens if things progress with My Crush?
At one point I asked him if he liked all the travel he does for work.
"Its not that I like it, I can just make a lot of money with it. I need to be financially stable."
I laugh, "Financially stable for what?" I'm used to him talking about buying houses and being able to retire at 55. Things I never think about. He's the ant and I'm the grasshopper.
"For you." Was his serious reply. It was so matter-of-fact that I had no response.
He makes no sense. The only thing I can think is that he just doesn't know what he wants or he wants to be at certain place in his life before he will allow himself what he wants.
I guess I'll just hold on and enjoy the ride. All I know is I don't OWE anyone anything. Its useless worry about things and who's to say that My Crush is even going to follow up?
Its just strange that he's been more attentive lately. He does work for the government, I'm keeping my eyes open for men in dark suits and sunglasses talking into head sets.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Telepathic Communication DOES Work
My Crush asked me out yesterday.
It was completely unexpected and I'm sure my face registered that kind of surprise. I had let the crush fall by the wayside, letting it go as a passing phase to quell the boredom of my job and focus on something else. That something else just happened to be a person. The camp ended and I didn't really expect to see him until the fall and even then that would be fleeting. He's only scheduled here once a week. So I let it go.
He came in yesterday, didn't say anything and went to his studio. A few minutes later he came down and asked me to turn the AC on in his room. (Yes, one of my duties at work is thermostat control. I know you're jealous.) So I grab my keys and go upstairs and of course he has to follow me up the stairs so I'm hyper conscious of my back and walking and just nervous all around. I turn the temperature down and and he reaches over me and turns it up a little. "Not too cold" He said. I blush and say I'm sorry and head back down, throwing a smile over my shoulder as I go.
So I think nothing of it. His students come in. One gives me a message to give him as he's leaving, but I figure I'm not going to get to see him before he goes, so I make a note to call him the next day. It would be a good excuse to make contact.
So I'm looking up my Cingular bill online and he's comes down stairs with his student. His student leaves and he goes over to his mail box. Which I find odd because he never looks in his mailbox and then comes over to the counter.
"Hey, what's going on?" Crush is starting the conversation!
"Not much, just getting ready to leave." I flash my winning smile.
"Have you moved to Cambridge yet?"
"Yes unfortunately." Then I start blabbing on about my move and my roommates and all the issues, where a voice in the back of my head is screaming. "Shut up! Shut up! No one cares!"
"Cool then we're neighbors now." He lives in Allston, which I don't think really makes us neighbors, but I'm interested to see where he's going with this conversation.
"I guess we are."
"Yah K and I would have to let you know when we're having a party or something."
"Actually I'm having a party on August 19th. You should come by." Smooth. "I could shoot you an email with all the details."
"Yah, I don't have your information." So I write my number and email on a sticky and give it to him.
He makes some comment about my email address. I had made it up in highschool, its way too late to change it now.
"So are you off now?" He asks, I figure he's just keeping up the small talk, but he's making no move to leave.
I give a weary smile. "Yah finally."
Then out of the blue.
"Do you want to grab some dinner or something?"
I hope he didn't register the complete look of shock in my eyes and I'm glad he couldn't read the thoughts flying through my head. I have to go to the bank, I have a weeks worth of groceries in the fridge at work, I haven' t been home in 5 days.
"Sure." Is all that came out.
"Okay, how should we do this?" I think he could see I was flustered and now I was afraid I had seemed too eager.
"Uhhh, .." Grasping for ideas. I'm very articulate in times like this. "I have to go to the bank!" I blurt.
"Okay well why don't we go home and I'll call you around 7." Oh, very sensible. I like this.
So we part. I'm really floored, I really didn't think my telepathic communications were going through. I don't think I've ever been asked out this way. Just face to face, somewhat out of the blue. I usually just develop these childish crushes and then get bored with them. This is the first time they've ever amounted to anything.
I called my mom on the way home, because I couldn't figure out how to shut off the rear windshield wiper and I mention that I have a date.
"Just don't sleep with him on the first date Katie" Yes this is my mother's first reaction to the news that I have a date.
"Oh Darn Mom! I WAS planning on getting pregnant tonight!" She laughs.
At least I amuse her.
It was completely unexpected and I'm sure my face registered that kind of surprise. I had let the crush fall by the wayside, letting it go as a passing phase to quell the boredom of my job and focus on something else. That something else just happened to be a person. The camp ended and I didn't really expect to see him until the fall and even then that would be fleeting. He's only scheduled here once a week. So I let it go.
He came in yesterday, didn't say anything and went to his studio. A few minutes later he came down and asked me to turn the AC on in his room. (Yes, one of my duties at work is thermostat control. I know you're jealous.) So I grab my keys and go upstairs and of course he has to follow me up the stairs so I'm hyper conscious of my back and walking and just nervous all around. I turn the temperature down and and he reaches over me and turns it up a little. "Not too cold" He said. I blush and say I'm sorry and head back down, throwing a smile over my shoulder as I go.
So I think nothing of it. His students come in. One gives me a message to give him as he's leaving, but I figure I'm not going to get to see him before he goes, so I make a note to call him the next day. It would be a good excuse to make contact.
So I'm looking up my Cingular bill online and he's comes down stairs with his student. His student leaves and he goes over to his mail box. Which I find odd because he never looks in his mailbox and then comes over to the counter.
"Hey, what's going on?" Crush is starting the conversation!
"Not much, just getting ready to leave." I flash my winning smile.
"Have you moved to Cambridge yet?"
"Yes unfortunately." Then I start blabbing on about my move and my roommates and all the issues, where a voice in the back of my head is screaming. "Shut up! Shut up! No one cares!"
"Cool then we're neighbors now." He lives in Allston, which I don't think really makes us neighbors, but I'm interested to see where he's going with this conversation.
"I guess we are."
"Yah K and I would have to let you know when we're having a party or something."
"Actually I'm having a party on August 19th. You should come by." Smooth. "I could shoot you an email with all the details."
"Yah, I don't have your information." So I write my number and email on a sticky and give it to him.
He makes some comment about my email address. I had made it up in highschool, its way too late to change it now.
"So are you off now?" He asks, I figure he's just keeping up the small talk, but he's making no move to leave.
I give a weary smile. "Yah finally."
Then out of the blue.
"Do you want to grab some dinner or something?"
I hope he didn't register the complete look of shock in my eyes and I'm glad he couldn't read the thoughts flying through my head. I have to go to the bank, I have a weeks worth of groceries in the fridge at work, I haven' t been home in 5 days.
"Sure." Is all that came out.
"Okay, how should we do this?" I think he could see I was flustered and now I was afraid I had seemed too eager.
"Uhhh, .." Grasping for ideas. I'm very articulate in times like this. "I have to go to the bank!" I blurt.
"Okay well why don't we go home and I'll call you around 7." Oh, very sensible. I like this.
So we part. I'm really floored, I really didn't think my telepathic communications were going through. I don't think I've ever been asked out this way. Just face to face, somewhat out of the blue. I usually just develop these childish crushes and then get bored with them. This is the first time they've ever amounted to anything.
I called my mom on the way home, because I couldn't figure out how to shut off the rear windshield wiper and I mention that I have a date.
"Just don't sleep with him on the first date Katie" Yes this is my mother's first reaction to the news that I have a date.
"Oh Darn Mom! I WAS planning on getting pregnant tonight!" She laughs.
At least I amuse her.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Family Secrets
Well not secrets exactly, but information that I hadn't known before.
I learned yesterday that my grandfather's youngest brother died when he fell off a pool table and hit his head. He was dancing on it. He was the wild brother an he was in his sixties when it happened. I hope I'm still able to dance on a pool table when I'm in my sixties. I also hope I learn from his mistakes.
Its amazing the stories that come out when a family gets together. Not just the immediate family, but the extended family. I didn't even know my mom had six cousins from that one uncle. Of course I knew my uncle an the aunt that sadly just passed away, but not that they had six children. They were married for 64 years. It was incredibly sad. Just looking at my uncle made me sad, to lose your companion of that long. How does one manage?
He also looks slightly like my grandfather who passed away when I was eight. My uncle remembered how my grandfather would give me a ride to school every morning, squeezing my knee the whole way to make me squeal with delight. Papa was bringing me to school and we would listen to the fishing report from the local AM radio station. I always remember those mornings and sometimes we would pass my uncle, his oldest brother, and we would wave out the windows.
Katrinka he would call me, the Polish equivalent of my name and I would squeal again in protest of that name, but smile all the same. It was special. Some of my earliest memories were of running my finger over the smooth skin that covered the space where his pinky finger used to be. He had lost it in an accident working at the ship yard before I was born. He used to tell me I had bitten it off when I was a baby. For awhile I had believed him.
At the wake there was a wedding portrait of my uncle and his late wife. The best man was a young handsome man of twenty-four. I turned to my younger brother. "That's who's responsible for our eye brows." and we both laughed.
Next to that was the large family picture taken at a family reunion. The 50's crew cuts and cocky smiles on the brother's faces stand out along with my own likeness in the form of the tooth-less grin of my mother. Even at such a sad time it was hear warming to know you had those roots and those strong blood ties running through your veins. It was and emotionally draining day, but uplifting just the same, to be reminded of where you come from.
I learned yesterday that my grandfather's youngest brother died when he fell off a pool table and hit his head. He was dancing on it. He was the wild brother an he was in his sixties when it happened. I hope I'm still able to dance on a pool table when I'm in my sixties. I also hope I learn from his mistakes.
Its amazing the stories that come out when a family gets together. Not just the immediate family, but the extended family. I didn't even know my mom had six cousins from that one uncle. Of course I knew my uncle an the aunt that sadly just passed away, but not that they had six children. They were married for 64 years. It was incredibly sad. Just looking at my uncle made me sad, to lose your companion of that long. How does one manage?
He also looks slightly like my grandfather who passed away when I was eight. My uncle remembered how my grandfather would give me a ride to school every morning, squeezing my knee the whole way to make me squeal with delight. Papa was bringing me to school and we would listen to the fishing report from the local AM radio station. I always remember those mornings and sometimes we would pass my uncle, his oldest brother, and we would wave out the windows.
Katrinka he would call me, the Polish equivalent of my name and I would squeal again in protest of that name, but smile all the same. It was special. Some of my earliest memories were of running my finger over the smooth skin that covered the space where his pinky finger used to be. He had lost it in an accident working at the ship yard before I was born. He used to tell me I had bitten it off when I was a baby. For awhile I had believed him.
At the wake there was a wedding portrait of my uncle and his late wife. The best man was a young handsome man of twenty-four. I turned to my younger brother. "That's who's responsible for our eye brows." and we both laughed.
Next to that was the large family picture taken at a family reunion. The 50's crew cuts and cocky smiles on the brother's faces stand out along with my own likeness in the form of the tooth-less grin of my mother. Even at such a sad time it was hear warming to know you had those roots and those strong blood ties running through your veins. It was and emotionally draining day, but uplifting just the same, to be reminded of where you come from.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Shabby Chic and Hades
$1500 to fix my car. Sigh
I may just keep the duct tape. I hear shabby chic is in right now. Maybe I could get different color duct tapes and make designs. Cambridge always embraces quirkiness like that.
I'm away from the Cambridge place until probably Sunday night. I didn't tell my roommates, but I also feel that I didn't have too. They'll figure out when I'm not around and they'll give me a hard time about not being around, but its hot and my parents have a pool and I don't want to sweat my ass off in the city.
I actually have the day off tomorrow, albeit its for a funeral, but its a day not at work. I feel a little bad for not being here tomorrow seeing as they "eliminated" my assistant's position and tomorrow is her last day, but it can't be avoided. I feel bad that she got the boot, but she wasn't too much of a help to me. At least I was able to get a lunch break while she was here, not I don't know what's going to happen.
Its about 100 degrees here today. Some people are acting like the world is coming to an end. Its quite annoying. We have a concert tonight and I've already had 15 calls about it seeing if its still on. One lady was upset with me.
"Do you realize its 98 degrees he-ah?" My low tolerance for the Boston accent already has my back up.
"Yes I understand." Which is my standard answer to cranky bitches. What I really wanted to say is, "No lady, I didn't realize it was that hot out, I've been living under a rock for the past few days." I mean seriously you can't go two seconds with out hearing about the record heat or someone commenting on it.
I mean isn't this what its constantly like down south. People DO survive in this weather. Its not like we're in the depths of Hades. (Due to recent PMS binge I would be in the sixth circle with the gluttons, I would invent a new circle for the people who ask stupid questions.)
SHEESH!
I may just keep the duct tape. I hear shabby chic is in right now. Maybe I could get different color duct tapes and make designs. Cambridge always embraces quirkiness like that.
I'm away from the Cambridge place until probably Sunday night. I didn't tell my roommates, but I also feel that I didn't have too. They'll figure out when I'm not around and they'll give me a hard time about not being around, but its hot and my parents have a pool and I don't want to sweat my ass off in the city.
I actually have the day off tomorrow, albeit its for a funeral, but its a day not at work. I feel a little bad for not being here tomorrow seeing as they "eliminated" my assistant's position and tomorrow is her last day, but it can't be avoided. I feel bad that she got the boot, but she wasn't too much of a help to me. At least I was able to get a lunch break while she was here, not I don't know what's going to happen.
Its about 100 degrees here today. Some people are acting like the world is coming to an end. Its quite annoying. We have a concert tonight and I've already had 15 calls about it seeing if its still on. One lady was upset with me.
"Do you realize its 98 degrees he-ah?" My low tolerance for the Boston accent already has my back up.
"Yes I understand." Which is my standard answer to cranky bitches. What I really wanted to say is, "No lady, I didn't realize it was that hot out, I've been living under a rock for the past few days." I mean seriously you can't go two seconds with out hearing about the record heat or someone commenting on it.
I mean isn't this what its constantly like down south. People DO survive in this weather. Its not like we're in the depths of Hades. (Due to recent PMS binge I would be in the sixth circle with the gluttons, I would invent a new circle for the people who ask stupid questions.)
SHEESH!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
T.G.I.A. (August)
July was a doozie! I'm glad to see it go. It seems that for at least half the month I've been existing under this black cloud of bad luck.
As I said to my dad last night, now that there is a new month, maybe my moon will move out of the house of shit ass bad luck in into something better, even if its moderate luck I would be satisfied.
Yesterday was the worst day of them all.
I got all moved in on Saturday, it was a long day, but pretty much went without incident, and I went to my parents house afterwards because I didn't want to deal with the chaos that night. My first night in the house was Sunday.
I got my first dose of the reality of living with roommates when I walked in and P was all cozy on the couch with his non-girlfriend Legs. I don't know why they call her Legs, as far as I can tell they're kind of short. Anyway! I put away my stuff and confined myself to my bedroom for the rest of the night, which was good because I needed to build my bookshelves and I have cable. My bookshelves came out well except for on shelf I put in upside down and didn't realize it until it was too late. (sigh) That's the shelf my big books will be on.
I woke up on Monday morning, got everything together and was ready to go, but the whole time I could feel I was up tight and slightly panicked about the commute. I get like that. Once I do something the first time I'm fine, but I stress about the unknown.
I'm in my car, and I pull out and CRACK! I hit a car going by me. I can't believe what I just did and I can't remember if I looked, which I can't imagine that I didn't. I have no idea how I did it, I only know I did do it. It was my fault.
I get out and look at my car and immediately crumple. I just dissolve into tears. The bumper is hanging off and the left headlight is just dangling there like an eye hanging out of its socket that you always see on Halloween masks. The grill is protruding at a grotesque angle.
I did this. My poor car.
The woman stopped, amazingly enough I did very little damage to her car. We exchanged information and she was on her way.
I did know what to do. J was home and he tried to push the bumper back in, but it was still too loose I was afraid to take it on 93. I could just imagine I coming loose in the tunnel and that was not a chance I was willing to take. He put my headlight in the trunk and I went in to call a rental company.
Lucky for me the Enterprise was right down the road and I was behind the wheel of a shiny red Focus by 8:30. The whole incident took 45 minutes, but it felt like forever.
The rest of the day I was all tensed up, I felt like my shoulders were around my ears the whole day, I was in a fog and my head was killing me. I'm so mad at myself. It just seems like I'm doing more and more stupid things as the days pass. I HATE doing stupid things and this one takes the cake.
My mom tried to cheer me up with stories, like when she rear ended someone on the way to my soccer game, or the time my dad hit a parked car, or backed out with the gate up on the station wagon smashing the whole rear window. The time my Nana opened her door and someone drove by and took it clean off and the time Mrs. S hit the dougnut truck. I know everyone makes mistakes, I just hate it when its me.
I had to turn in my keys last night to my landlord and I got all teary while I was there. Three years is a long time. Its the longest I've lived anywhere except my parents house. I nursed my first broken heart there, fell for G there while I was watching him make coffee in his boxer briefs and created my first home there all by myself. It was mine and only mine for a little while and that will always be special. G said I should have taken pictures, but I'll never forget what it looked like.
I guess every thing just moves on and I will settle in. My dad came up and duct taped my bumper and took the car home. Its amazing to me what that man can do with duct tape! In the dark with the exception of the gaping hole where the light should be, it almost looked whole.
I sure know how to make a memory special. I will always remember my first day in Cambridge as the day I almost destroyed my car. I can never do something easy.
I'm crossing my fingers that August will be a better month!
As I said to my dad last night, now that there is a new month, maybe my moon will move out of the house of shit ass bad luck in into something better, even if its moderate luck I would be satisfied.
Yesterday was the worst day of them all.
I got all moved in on Saturday, it was a long day, but pretty much went without incident, and I went to my parents house afterwards because I didn't want to deal with the chaos that night. My first night in the house was Sunday.
I got my first dose of the reality of living with roommates when I walked in and P was all cozy on the couch with his non-girlfriend Legs. I don't know why they call her Legs, as far as I can tell they're kind of short. Anyway! I put away my stuff and confined myself to my bedroom for the rest of the night, which was good because I needed to build my bookshelves and I have cable. My bookshelves came out well except for on shelf I put in upside down and didn't realize it until it was too late. (sigh) That's the shelf my big books will be on.
I woke up on Monday morning, got everything together and was ready to go, but the whole time I could feel I was up tight and slightly panicked about the commute. I get like that. Once I do something the first time I'm fine, but I stress about the unknown.
I'm in my car, and I pull out and CRACK! I hit a car going by me. I can't believe what I just did and I can't remember if I looked, which I can't imagine that I didn't. I have no idea how I did it, I only know I did do it. It was my fault.
I get out and look at my car and immediately crumple. I just dissolve into tears. The bumper is hanging off and the left headlight is just dangling there like an eye hanging out of its socket that you always see on Halloween masks. The grill is protruding at a grotesque angle.
I did this. My poor car.
The woman stopped, amazingly enough I did very little damage to her car. We exchanged information and she was on her way.
I did know what to do. J was home and he tried to push the bumper back in, but it was still too loose I was afraid to take it on 93. I could just imagine I coming loose in the tunnel and that was not a chance I was willing to take. He put my headlight in the trunk and I went in to call a rental company.
Lucky for me the Enterprise was right down the road and I was behind the wheel of a shiny red Focus by 8:30. The whole incident took 45 minutes, but it felt like forever.
The rest of the day I was all tensed up, I felt like my shoulders were around my ears the whole day, I was in a fog and my head was killing me. I'm so mad at myself. It just seems like I'm doing more and more stupid things as the days pass. I HATE doing stupid things and this one takes the cake.
My mom tried to cheer me up with stories, like when she rear ended someone on the way to my soccer game, or the time my dad hit a parked car, or backed out with the gate up on the station wagon smashing the whole rear window. The time my Nana opened her door and someone drove by and took it clean off and the time Mrs. S hit the dougnut truck. I know everyone makes mistakes, I just hate it when its me.
I had to turn in my keys last night to my landlord and I got all teary while I was there. Three years is a long time. Its the longest I've lived anywhere except my parents house. I nursed my first broken heart there, fell for G there while I was watching him make coffee in his boxer briefs and created my first home there all by myself. It was mine and only mine for a little while and that will always be special. G said I should have taken pictures, but I'll never forget what it looked like.
I guess every thing just moves on and I will settle in. My dad came up and duct taped my bumper and took the car home. Its amazing to me what that man can do with duct tape! In the dark with the exception of the gaping hole where the light should be, it almost looked whole.
I sure know how to make a memory special. I will always remember my first day in Cambridge as the day I almost destroyed my car. I can never do something easy.
I'm crossing my fingers that August will be a better month!
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