Love me, Love myself

Last night on the phone my ex M told me he could have easily fallen in love with me if I had loved myself more.

Which is total BS because he DID tell me he loved me about a month and a half into the relationship. Now he's claiming he said, I am falling in love with you, but I remember him saying:

"I have something I want to say, and I know its very soon, but I think I should say them."

I knew what it was going to be, I just had a feeling, and had a little mini-panic attack because I was no where near having the same feelings. It was like slow motion, there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"I love you" I was glad it was dark.

"Ummm, hmmm? You do?"

"Yes, you're great"

"Oh well, thanks. Ummmm, I'm getting there." Squirming uncomfortably.

Yes, "I'm getting there" was the best I could come up with under pressure.

It was from that moment the whole relationship shifted. He withdrew and the relationship dragged on for eight more months, where he was aloof and unpredictable and pretty much took me for granted. It was THEN that the self-doubt and self esteem issues moved in, and maybe where he got the idea that I didn't "love myself."

I called him out on it last night. My super bitch mood still being in full affect.

"Don't you think that you may have gotten the feeling that I didn't love myself due to the fact that you took me for granted and basically treated my badly?"

"Umm, I guess that could have been a factor."

"Ya'think?" Then I felt bad. It was so long ago, we were both with each other for convenience sake there really wasn't any use in analyzing what went wrong in our relationship.

"I'm just saying that a girl who loves herself is the most attractive girl there is, and you are so great and beautiful, but if you had loved yourself more I would have definitely fallen in love with you."

"M, what does a girl who loves herself look like?"

Long pause.

"That's a good question." Yet another long pause. "She's confident. Not that you aren't confident, but she...." He trails off so I decided to save him.

"Look M, I know what you're saying. I've heard it all before. I know who I am and I know what I have to offer. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I know you're trying to help." End of that portion of the conversation.

"So when are you coming to NY to visit?" Translation: I'm lazy and horny.

"I don't know, I don't think I'll be much fun." Translation: I don't want to sleep with you.

"That's a horrible reason not to come visit. You can't just wallow forever."

"Leave me alone its only been a week. You know, I'm really tired. I'll get back to you about NY."

End of conversation.