Confused much?

G is coming to visit.

Yes, the same guy that told me exactly a month ago, that something was missing, is spending money and coming to Boston for six days over Memorial Day weekend.

Yes, I am allowing him to come. I miss him.

It doesn't make much sense. Nothing has changed, I'm pretty sure his feelings haven't changed and I do not expect anything to come out of this visit. Will not, cannot expect anything to come out of this visit.

I'm worried though. I feel like I've made a lot of progress in the past month. I've moved on to a degree, or at least started to look forward as to changing my life and committing to be Boston. I've completely shut off the San Diego part of my brain, to the point where I don't even think of it as a viable option for me ever again. I am more comfortable with who I am as a person, in respect to my good qualities and the things I need to work on in myself. I don't want him to come here and set me into a tailspin of self-doubt and self-image issues. I've learned that if something is missing in me for him, there really isn't much I can do about it. I am who I am and I do kinda like me. I can't help it if my hips are a little wider. Birthing hips he called them, like it's supposed to make me feel better. I don't know how much thinner I can get, my hips and ribs already stick out. I have a big bone structure. That's not going to change.

I know who I am and I know that I'm a good person, and that's what should matter. I'm working on the door mat thing as well.

I guess I'm just confused about the whole situation, but I'll figure it out and I'll handle the emotions and I will have a good time, because when it comes right to it, I miss the fucker and I'm beyond excited that he is coming.

AND he's going to clean my apartment.