Me-time

Monday and Thursday nights are traditionally my "me-time" nights. Its something I'm learning to enjoy and appreciate. Its been hard. I'm living on my own for the first time ever. I have been on my own before, due to two navy roommates who were constantly out to sea or on one trip or another, but I've always known they were coming back. Since I've been back in Boston I lived with my brother and M, his now wife. It was a small apartment, and the me-times were few and far between and I didn't mind it. I liked having people around, knowing you weren't alone. After they bought their house, (and graciously asked me to move with them, which I politely declined, I mean I had already infringed on their entire engagement and newlywed period) I decided to stay in the apartment on my own.

It was a hard decision, I definitely do not have the means to have my own place. I had enough saved, but now I'm blowing through it like its nobody's business.

Anyway.

Once I was settled I surprised myself by LOVING living alone. I thought I was going to freak myself out at night or cry myself to sleep because I was so lonely, but miraculously none of that happened. So now I have been living by myself for 5 months now and I'm getting tired of it. I mean I do love the fact that I can do whatever I want in the place (a fact I still have to remind myself of), but I'm getting tired of the emptiness. Now that the novelty has worn away, I've become a hyper scheduler. Tuesday dinner with Camila, Wednesday dinner with Justin. Monday and Thursday's are my open days, but I'll jump at the chance to fill them. If I find myself with no plans come Friday, I crash in on my parents.

So when I say I'm learning to enjoy and appreciate my Me-time, I'm saying its a difficult thing for me to learn. I am determined to become comfortable with myself and being alone, and I do find myself looking forward to the time. It creeps up suddenly and I'm making plans in my head about what I'm going to do with that time. Whether or not its just finishing my book, or catching up on my Food and Wine magazines (March and April are still being ignored) or just zoning out to the TV and falling asleep, I'm inching my way towards acceptance. I'm feeling more free in this time, instead of feeling like a loser or counterproductive for not having a jam-packed schedule.

I do like my me-time, and I'm liking me more in the process.