Decisions

I'm at a turning point in my life. Self-professed of course. In the words of the Clash "Should I stay or should I go?: The age old question.

Should I stay in Boston with my family and friends I've had since I was five, the infallible support system, or should I take the plunge, move back to my beloved San Diego and move in with G. A guy that I've only known since October 26th (to be exact). No job, not too much money and no real plan in mind. Its all the cliches, follow head or heart, rational or irrational. I know if I go I will be fine. I will find a job, I will make money, I will not starve, but will G and I get along? Our connection is really strong, I think it would have to be or we wouldn't even be considering this as an option.

I'm leaning towards going. Every time I think about it I get excited. The prospect of starting new, taking that next step in my life towards grown-up land Getting on with that next phase in my life is very appealing. Anything to get out of the rut I'm in right now. Its much easier to tell your work that you're leaving your job because you're moving 3,000 miles away and the commute would be killer instead of saying, I'm leaving you because I hate you. Yes I am a coward, giving my notice scares the Hell out of me. Its the after giving the notice feeling that I'm yearning for. This place is slowly destroying me, and I don't think its doing it on purpose, but there is no other way it knows how to function, other than sucking the life blood out of its employees.

I think its a chance I have to take, or I will wonder about it for the rest of my life, and in the words of most of my friends... I CAN always come back. Of course I would probably be coming back heartbroken and a failure, but at least I would know for certain.

The other thing that gets me is that G is so non-challant about the WHOLE thing. He speaks about it so matter-of-fact that sometimes I want to scream, "you do realize I am flipping my entire existence around don't you!!" but that would be a little dramatic. He's talked about adding me to his gym membership, and he's already made room for me in his closets. He says this stuff and I go mute, I don't know how to respond, and I feel bad that I can't say anything, because I don't know what my decision will be yet.

Have I mentioned I have haven't seen G in over 3 months. He travels for his job, and no to calm Midwestern cities to attend conferences and trade shows, but to Japan, Guam, Thailand and that fun little hot bed of activity, The Persian Gulf. I will see him in three weeks though, so I guess that will be telling, to see if we actually still like each other.

April 16th will be the official start obsessing date.