Dumb Luck

Flew in on the Red-eye yesterday morning and I'm still a little fuzzy. SD was great as always and I'm in a funk having to come back to my messy apartment and boring dead-end job, but at least for five days I was relaxed and had a bit of fun and a lot of other stuff. (If you know what I mean.) (large exaggerated wink)

I've decided that I'm a much better ex-girlfriend than a girlfriend. Once you get past all the rejection, "its not you, its me" and the "what's wrong with me?" phases of a break up and the period of no contact, I'm a pretty good friend to have. Things are good with G and aside from a tiny meltdown before leaving on Tuesday, mostly due to the fact that I didn't want to return to reality, I'm as comfortable with the situation as I can be now.

I'm signing the lease on my new apartment. I'm feeling a little hesitant over the move. One reason is the outpouring of negative comments about my decision. Several have told me they won't visit me and they feel like this is not the best decision for me. As far as I know, I'm a pretty capable person with a pretty level head on my shoulders. With the exception of relationships, I am an extremely practical and laid back about most situations. I didn't make it to twenty-seven based on dumb luck. I didn't just stumble to where I am now. All the decisions I have made in my life have turned out to be good ones.

Of course they have their negative sides too. My living situation right now for example. Yes, it is sucking me dry and I cannot afford to live on my own, yet still I HAVE lived on my own, I know I can and I know I like it. Now its time to move on and save some money, and frankly I like being around people and I think it will be nice to come home to other people, to have someone to cook for and hang out with and to not have to be alone all the time, not to mention split the utilities four ways with.

The decisions I make about my life are the right decisions. They are the right decisions specifically because I say they are and I will work hard to make them the right decisions and if for some reason the situation turns bad, I know I am strong enough to make another decision to change it.

I'm not sure how people view me as a person. Judging by some reaction I fear that they see me as helpless and pathetic. They see me as someone who is not strong enough to deal with the decisions that are made.

As far as I know, I have never made a devastatingly bad decision and definitely I have never made a decision I could not live with.

All that being said, the thought of packing up my whole apartment is making me nauseous, but that's because I'm just frighteningly lazy.