Big Goings On

My family has been very busy this summer producing life experiences. The 35th wedding anniversary here, a pregnancy there and now an engagement.

We're not a big family, but we go big and in short amounts of time. The new baby was announced in July with and ETA of March. I'm excited and concerned at the same time. My little Neph will only be 18 months then, he didn't get mummy and daddy to himself for long, but that's okay, I plan to be the overcompensating aunt. Not that there isn't enough love to go around, we fight over him enough as it is. I'm just cautious and a little anxious. His arrival wasn't the easiest. The little bugger.

The engagement is brand new. My lil' bro popped the question just last week. I found out yesterday, they made me notice the ring. It took me a few minutes. I was expecting it and not expecting it at the same time. I think I thought I would know about it before it happened, but he was very secretive. Only my mother knew and she didn't even tell my dad. Which was a smart move because it is widely known the he sings like a canary.

The ring is beautiful and they're very happy. I think they're planning for next fall, which will be nice. I love fall weddings.

Then there's me. Keepin it real. Holding down the fort, giving my fam the little awkward piece that keeps them from being too happy, too right, too perfect. I'm fulfilling my role to a T. I don't mind, I'm willing to sacrifice my happiness for theirs. I mean it would be too perfect right? No family could sustain that for long. So I'm okay with my role.

I couldn't be more happy for them, so it feels a little selfish to think about my own life in comparison with their lives and the progression of their lives. If nothing happens for me then so be it! At least I can take comfort in the fact that I am a good sister, daughter and friend.

I fear that people may wonder what I'm thinking or are afraid that I will be resentful. The bitter spinster sister. I hope to god that I don't come off that way, but I suppose people will think what they will.

I mean I'll be the first to admit that I tend to think a little off about some subjects concerning myself.

When I told G that they were engaged, his response was:

G: Are you okay?

me: Yes of course

G: Okay just making sure

me: well besides the fact that I feel like a failure, but that's a story for another day...

G: Yeah well I figured with the way your mind works you would be feeling something like that, well we will talk tomorrow and you can get it out of your system. But you totally are not a failure.

I like and hate at the same time that he knows how I think. It embarrasses me, but it's still me. I can't help, but let that cross my mind. I guess it just shows that he does know how I think in terms of myself and he was thinking of me more than he was thinking of the actual news. It's nice to have someone like that.

Beyond my own self-issues and expectations, it's going to be an exciting year. I'm looking forward to everything because when it comes right down to it: It's not really about me.