Regression

I feel like I have time-warped back to two years ago. I can sense something is wrong, but I get no answers. I don't know how to react and so everything runs through my head at top speed, causeing my verbal sewage. I dig my holes and take the fall.

Its gets too far and I can take it back and now I'm afraid I ruined the friendship that was so hard to start in the first place. I went through a lot to get to this place and I would be very sad if it ended.

I understand that I have a problem with negativity, but I'm not the only one. In this friendship calling one another negative is pointless. We both are. We're very similar that way.

All I want to do is make it right. I'm not even sure I did THAT much to cause this rift. It hurts though, a lot. Its bringing back feelings that I thought were long gone and I hate it. I never wanted to go back there. I worked hard to escape.

I feel like I've ruined things, but I don't really think I did. I'll take the blame though, its easier that way to absorb the anger rather than to exert it. Its what I do best. I just want it to be better, to be normal, to be back to what we've created that worked for both. I knew it was fragile, but I hoped this time the friendship would be more important.

I have felt sick since Friday, I know what I did was wrong. Its never right for me to express my feelings or let someone know how something makes me feel. My feelings never carry much weight.

I suppose whatever happens it will eventually be fine. Its just sad right now. I feel responsible.