Masochist? Probably

So my thirtieth year has already proved to be interesting (or stupid, depends on how you look at it.)

G was here for a few days on leave from Iraq. It was the first time I have seen him since September and well that was a weird time, so this was much better. People ask me how the visit was and what we did and my answers were, the visit was good and we did nothing.

I mean of course we did SOME things, but really nothing stands out. We went to the gym, we shopped, we ate, he napped and I watched TV. We just hung out which was all I wanted to do and all he ever wants to do, so it was fine.

I dragged him out to one nice dinner Lucca in the North End. I recommend it HIGHLY!

I miss him now and of course he hasn't been in contact, he's probably with the Hoo-ah (as I lovingly refer to her now) in Sacramento, which is why he's MIA. I mean we're friends, why ignore me?

Oh well! Out of my hands. The visit was good and now I don't know when I will see him again. I do consider him one of my best friends, but I always tend to feel uneasy about it, like he's not with me on that and I don't know if it's just his personality, which has a tendency to BE that way, or if its just a complete ambivalence to me. Like he could take me or leave me. If I'm around, fine, and if I fall off the face of the earth, that's fine too. I try not to be negative about it, but he gives me nothing to go on and sometime is hard to be positive about something with no proof. If that makes sense.

Sigh....

End of that story.

As for other stupid, slightly masochistic event: D is back. I've seen him once since the infamous shower scene. It was nice to see him, but it wasn't as good as it was in the past. I'm guessing there was a little hesitation on both sides, and it seemed we were out of practice. Things have fallen into a similar pattern as before. Texting now and then, though I feel myself resenting his texts more than usual and feeling like its a chore more than a pleasure or a naughty secret.

We were talking about hanging out tomorrow, but now I think that won't happen for reasons beyond my control, so we'll see. I'm just starting to get flippant with the whole thing. Case and point, part of our texting session yesterday.

D: "When are we getting together?"

ME: "When do you want to? I'm free Thurs."

D: "That could work. (insert inappropriate texting here)
Anything I can do for you?

ME: "Me? I just want to be held"

D: "Yah I've never been much of a holder."

ME: "You? Shocking!"

D: "Lol, Be Nice! (insert more inappropriate texting).

Maybe I'm over it, maybe I'm not. I guess we shall see.

I've just been trying to pack my days and nights with activities. Alone time is NOT what I need right now.