Crushes Crushed

I have a long history of crushes on athletes.

For some reason all my childhood crushes were on basketball, soccer, baseball or football players. I became a die hard Red Sox fan because of my Tim Naehring crush. It did not matter to me that he had a slight mullet and was 35. I loved him and no one can take that away from me! Freshman year in college I had a poster of Drew Bledsoe on my wall in great contrast to S's posters of Tori Spelling and Prince William.

For that reason, when the senior quaterback showed up in my sophomore biology class, I was a goner. It didn't matter that he was a senior in a sophomore biology class. He was cute and athletic, my only requirements at the ripe age of 15. I crushed on him for years off and on. He failed biology, never really graduated, and is now my mailman.

Thanksgiving Eve, my junior year in college found me at the same house party as the QB. I was impressionable, and still in tune with my old crush. He didn't have the same appeal, but the nostalgia was there, and I fell for it. I accepted the invitation for a walk which lead to a very public make out session.

He was my first real kiss. Yes, I was 20. Yes, I know that's really odd and I was really old for that to be my first real kiss. Don't worry I've made up for lost time.

It was only after that night I found out that he was still with the same girl he was with in high school, they were in engaged, and she was pregnant. I felt like shit, but I took it for what it was and am doomed to remember it forever as my first real kiss.

Fast forward to six years later, I have since graduated college, got my masters and have lived in SD for two years. It was Thanksgiving eve, the unofficial yearly high school reunion. I'm at the local bar with friend having a good time. QB is there. A bit heavier, a bit more down looking. I pass him on the way to the bathroom and he looks at me in a way that makes me push a little more forcefully through the crowd.

The night progresses, I'm having a great time and then he comes over. I think its not a big deal, we have things in common, we can talk about stuff. I try to have a conversation with him, but he doesn't really talk. He asks me if I want a beer, I say no. He asks me if I want a water, I say no. He's not talking so I turn to my friends.

One of my friends hands me a beer. QB returns looking slightly offended but still not talking. My friends are giving me looks with confused expressions and raised eyebrows. I try to avoid him, but he's just hovering near by.

Two friends tell me they are taking off and I have to get my jacket out of their car. I tell two other friends to make sure he doesn't follow me and push my way towards the exit. I'm almost there and I feel a hand on my arm. Its the QB.

"What do you want?" I ask, now I'm mad, I tried the conversation, now he's just weirding me out.

"Just take this, write me." He looks desperate.

I'm incredulous. "What about your wife!" I stare at him, trying to figure out where he's coming from.

"Just take it. You can write to me."

"I'm seeing someone" I had just met G. He thrusts this small piece of paper into my hand and turns to leave. I give up and rush outside to my waiting friends relaying the bizarre events as a breathlessly gather up my coat.

"..and he hands me this piece of paper." I hold up the offending object and start to unfold it.

"Oh my God, its his home address."

As I was expecting an email address of some sort, this discovery unnerves me. My distaste and anger melt away to pity. Even now I'm unclear of what he wanted from me, whether or not it was an affair or just someone outside of his life to talk to.

I've learned since from J, who happens to be his cousin. That QB is unhappy with his life and probably feels trapped, but that's not my problem and I don't want to be involved. I'm sure he's idealized me anyway just because I'm different and out of his day to day life.

The saga doesn't have an end. Saturday night I found myself at my hometown's VFW at a benefit form M's cousin who passed away from an overdose. I go for M and for no other reason. QB was best friends with M's cousin.

He and his wife run the event.

I have no idea what she knows, though I felt a chill when I handed over my ticket. I also have a sneaking suspicion that she short changed me on my raffle tickets. I was probably being paranoid, but I couldn't help it. It was just an awkward event. I didn't even exchange a glance with QB. I was very careful to avoid doing so, but it was still weird. The Thanksgiving encounter was too strange.

Its just one of those growing up things. I used to worship QB. He gave me the teenaged butterflies and now he's just a prime example of a dissatisfied life. It depresses me a little, knowing that his best years definitely were in High School. As much as I had a good time in high school, I relish all of my experiences that have come afterwards more than I've ever relished high school ones.

I know I have many more to come my way. I can't imagine peaking in high school.