What is it about fall that makes you want to change everything and do it right? For most people it seems that Spring is time for rebirth and New Years calls for reinvention, but for me it's fall. It has always been fall. As much as I love summer, the heat gets to me. I like being cold. I love feeling a cold breeze on my face when I sleep and have been knows to sleep with my windows thrown open until mid December.
The air has finally begun turn. I know the warm weather isn't done for yet in this weird weather region, but we've definitely been feeling cool dry fall temperatures, especially in the morning and I find them invigorating more than depressing. (Although talk to me on January 2nd and I'll be singing a different tune.) I'm good until the mid 50's, then I want to press pause; no lower thank you!
The summer made me sluggish and now I'm feeling the affects of it. I feel out of shape and chubby and I hate that feeling. I know when I've crossed that line and I know how to fix it, so I turned back to my routine this week. No more flopping on my stomach to read for two hours when I get home from work. I'm off to the gym now or lifting at home. It's tough though, I'm pretty sore, but it's a good sore, a feeling I haven't had for a while. It makes me feel like I'm doing something.
Like most things with me, it's the initial getting there that is daunting. The same with writing. How many times have I had the same conversation: (In my head of course)
"Just write something!"
But what?
It doesn't matter just start babbling
I have nothing interesting to say.
Who cares? It's for you and you don't care if you're interesting. You know as soon as you start you will flow. Who cares if it isn't cohesive and juicy. This is for you!
As usual, I was right. Decide for yourself which "me" was right!
So I'm in a routine, which is good for me. I told myself unless I have plans, I need to do something active. I've regulated my diet, which makes me feel better too and like I have some control. Not to mention searching for new recipes to try sucks up some of the down time at work and there has definitely been a lot of that.
Everything else has been a little slow. I've been text tagging with D for about a month now and now he's in Greece. Don't get me started on that. I wish I could just up and go where ever I wanted, but alas I cannot and I must live vicariously through him, which I hate doing.
G and I have not been talking. He says he's been extremely busy and I believe him, but I also think he hasn't been making the same effort as he used to. We got in a fight a few weeks ago, and since then he's kinda written me off. It wasn't even a fight really. I said something stupid. He (in my opinion) overreacted and since then has pretty much been in sporadic contact.
There's nothing I can really do. Do I regret what I said? Sure. Only because it was stupid and petty and had no bearing on our friendship, but you know what? I screw up. A lot and if I'm not allowed to screw up now and again with out that kind of reaction then I'm not exactly sure how stable our friendship is to being with.
All I can say is it must be nice to know you have a friend who will always be there for you no matter what time, what situation and how you treat them. I wish I knew what that was like. It's a little mind boggling too seeing as he knows what it's like to be treated that way.
Anyway! Enough about that bull shit! I understand he's swamped and busy and all that stuff and I know consciously he doesn't mean to ignore me, and I shouldn't project that fact that I just want to matter to someone onto him. Some day I would like to be a priority in some one's life; whether friend or relationship.
Enough whining for now, because I really am in a good place right now. I'm happy, if not a little bored and slightly hungry. :-)
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