Sigh...

D has decided that he didn't want to do what we were doing anymore. Basically the no-strings attached sex was too much for his precious moral compass. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic)

I don't even know how to explain his reasoning. It's nothing I haven' t heard before, but this time he has decided that our type of relationship is stopping both of us from possibly finding meaningful relationships and that he needs to figure himself out and what's wrong with him so he doesn't end up like his father, and I deserve better. (Yes the explanation was that confusing)

Of course I have no choice in the matter. I never do. It's just always, "Kate, this is how its going to be and you have no choice but to deal with it." So deal with it is what I do. I feel I've become somewhat of an expert in "deal with it philosophy."

There are a few things that I am angry about. Of course after the fact, I became angry. Heaven forbid I am able to process things as they are happening. One, he did it after sex. Two, he did it in the shower. I have never been in the shower with him before, (I like my alone time) but I was in a rush. Finally, three, I still don't really see the necessity of doing it right at that time. We were both on our way to other engagements, I would have liked to have more time to actually figure out what was going on.

He babbled on about him and his life and where it was going and how he needed to make a change. For some reason, whenever someone says they need to make a change, or better their life, I'm the first to get the ax.

The pattern is interesting and devistating at the same time.

He cried and looked lost while I looked indifferent, uncomfortable and a little sad.

I asked him what that meant for us, seeing as we have nothing BUT that type of relationship. He hopes we can be friends, after we take a break from the hot sex. (his words, not mine). I've heard that before.

So I'm a drift in a land of indifference, wondering where I went wrong again. Was I too laid back? Did I not demand enough? Where was I not good enough?

I wonder if I will hear from him again. It's possible.

I will miss him. He was my dirty little secret, the little thrill in my week, and now all that stretches in front of me is monotony and routine. Its not a constant miss, its an occasional miss.

Sigh.... Oh well.....