Friday, February 29, 2008

Ain't Like She Used to Be

I felt a little bit of apprehension as soon as I received the text from R.

"Hey Kate! Wanna get drunk tonight?"

I did. At least I thought I did. I hadn't gone out in a while, and if my two friends were making the trip into the city, I couldn't NOT go out. I wanted to go out, but I also had earlier plans with C and two other friends. I always stress over the logistics, but finally figured out that I would go to earlier plans, which turned out to be not too fun, and then meet them in the city.

The earlier plans ran longer than I had anticipated and I didn't end up stepping off the T until 10:45. I couldn't convince C to come out with us, so it was a long journey in by myself. It was cold and slushy out, the big storm was the day before, and to make the logistics easier I had ventured out of my apartment with my "more comfortable" knee high boots and just a small bag. No cozy Uggs for the traveling. So I was traversing the slush, snow banks and ice in boots not made for the winter.

I was meeting them at the Cactus Club and received a text from R asking if I was close, and I went to text her back, but before I could another text flew in. Gosh they're pushy tonight I thought, but then I saw who it was from: D. He was looking for a booty call, but I knew my friends would not appreciate it if I ditched, as much as I wanted to, and we said another time. I was slightly disappointed, but quickly got over it. His invite for a "quickie" wasn't THAT tempting.

I entered CC and looked around and saw M walk by, I grabbed her arm. "Hey!"

"Hey, I lost my brother, R's in the back." I ventured my way back and settled at the table just in time to see M's brother negotiating a path holding a HUGE margarita with M trailing behind.

The margaritas there are huge, limey, icy and irresistible. To say we sucked that baby down is an understatement. We soon order another one, but decided to go the blue route, but when that one was too sweet, we had races to finish it quickly to be on our way.

We headed to Jake Ivory's next, where as I've been there before and it was fun, I've also found it to always be crowded and a much younger crowd. I was not disappointed, but we were determined to have fun and soon found our selves on the dance floor.

M's brother had friends there, but it was three couples, much younger couples, and while the guys came and joined us on the dance floor, their worried eyes kept drifting back to the table where their sour-puss girlfriends sat. I'm guessing their leashes didn't stretch that far, and one I heard on remark, after a rousing round of Kamikaze shots, that they should get back before we get in trouble.

Side note: Now I know I haven't been in many relationships and definitely not many in which I was actually in the same town as my BF, but is fear really the way to work a relationship? I think I would feel ashamed if my BF was afraid he would be in trouble all the time? Maybe its me and maybe I'm clueless, but it seemed strange to me.

ANYWAY.

The club was fun, even if I had to use my elbows more than usual. At one point M and I looked at each other and she said that we were probably the oldest ones in there, and looking around I completely agreed, until literally two seconds later the pianist welcomed a girl on stage to celebrate her 30th birthday. M and I cheered and gave a ridiculously cheesy high five. We weren't the oldest!

We actually made it to closing. All I wanted at that time was to go home, but I knew that was impossible and we ended up at M's brother's apartment, which was nice, but I could already tell that the next day was going to be unpleasant and passed out on his roommates bed. In retrospect, gross, but at the time it was better than sharing the freezing cold futon with M. At some point during the night R crawled in there with me so I didn't have to feel too bad about sleeping in the unaware roommates bed, even though I've complained of roommates doing that to me. Its different though, I know I'm clean. I even slept in my jacket and scarf for a good majority of the night.

The morning was, how to put this lightly, not fun! I awoke with anxiety, which I knew was because of the fact that I was hung over and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to be calm about it. Lucky for me we left soon and I sat in the back of R's car clutching a Shaw's plastic bag for dear life, praying I would make it home.

I did, just in the nick of time, which is gross, but hey, we've all been there. I laid in bed writhing in pain for about an hour, desperately trying to fall asleep, until I manged to identify the stomach pains as hunger.

I managed to heat up some tots and as soon as those were consumed (ah grease you wicked hangover cure) I passed out until 2. I hate wasting a day, but it was needed seeing as I got MAYBE 3 hours the night before.

I did, however; rally enough to meet C for a movie and rewarded myself for surviving with a burrito.

This getting old shit is for the birds....

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Uhhh....

Honestly? Can one life be so devoid of events?

Looks like it.

Another slow week, another snow storm supposed to be happening tomorrow, and I really haven't done much. Dinners here and there, shopping here and there and then add that to a whole lotta nothing.

I'm in super hybernation mode, even nights out are messured up against the comfort of my bed. I've been like this pretty much since my sickness. I'm not saying I turn down nights out to be in my bed, I'm just saying, the thought crosses my mind. I ventured out for dinner last night with GJ. Well she ventured out more than I. I just had to take the T and get off on my way home from work, she had to drive in.

I always feel bad making people come into the city for some reason. I feel like I am out of they way. I'm glad they make the effort though.

Moving is still on my mind. I was walking to the T from the restaurant last night and as I walked along the Tremont side of the common I realized how much I really do love the city and being there. I wish I could afford to live in the thick of things and really be IN the city. There's just something about being right in the center. Its something I've always wanted. I get a little thrill of being there, and I almost convince myself that I can do it! It would be worth it! Then reality slaps me in the face and I compare my paycheck to the rents and just know I'm asking for trouble in the form of dwindling finances.

So I'm still torn on that, and while I had that thrill running through me as I walked along that historic stretch of land and watched the twinkling light reach up to the state house I also felt sadness of the fact that it might just not happen for me. I just can't make it work financially, and I wish I could figure out how to make more money. Then again doesn't everyone?

It seems pathetic to me that I'm blabbing on and on about a living place. Like why is that such an issue? I just feel like I've gotten to a point where I need to find what would make me happy and where I want to be and I have to stop thinking that happily ever after is going to come knocking, because, lets face it, the bitch ain't getting any younger. I want to make a place for me where I will be ultimatley happy or at least content that I am doing everything I can for myself. I suppose I'm projecting everything onto a space for me, a place of my own.

I'm not describing this well AT ALL! I've been foggy and a little scatter brained along with my hybernation. I also can't find clothes to wear almost every morning. Its like my flu made me fashionly challenged. I think I may have worn the same pair of pants twice last week and for that I am deeply ashamed.

I'm also having a chubby week, but I don't want to go into that one, because it is all my fault.

As for D, haven't seen him in 3 weeks? I think? I just don't have anything to say to him, so I haven't made contact and it speaks volumes that he has not either. Oh well. It was bound to fizzel out eventually. There's only so long you can keep something like that up and interesting. Now its just too much effort.

How sad is that statement?

(Okay, my spell check isn't working, so now you all can know how BAD of a speller I am, and for that I appologize)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Bad Bad Bad

I suck and I know it.

I often come to the blog and read through a more fun and interesting time of my life, then I sigh and go back to surfing the internet, not even feeling guilty because I have no work on my desk. I wish that I did, I'm running out of ways to entertain myself.

I was sick last week and actually out of the office for two whole days. It was interesting on the first day. I went to the make sure it wasn't strep throat, (it wasn't) and then I went to the grocery store to load up on "I get to eat this stuff because I'm sick" goodies. I came home with popsicles, watermellon sherbert, corn cakes that remind me of my Nana, three huge bottles of Gatorade (I'm so off it now) and gravy, for my rice. Yes I know its gross and the sad thing was, I was a little too queezy to eat most of it. All the phlegm. Ugh... It was the first time in three years that I have taken a sick day. I was going crazy as soon as I called in the second day, but I had a fever, and my mom threatened mean things if I went to work with a fever.

I got reaquainted with an old love, the Gilmore Girls and watched about 8 hours of it on Wednesday. I don't think I have ever sat in my bed for that long a period of time when I wasn't sleeping.

Even now, a week later I'm still feeling the after effects. The weezing is particulary attractive, not to mention the phlegm laden coughs that come out of no where and cause me to blush at my disgustinness. Lovely.

Other than that, I suppose I'm in full hibernation mode. I don't really have anyone to talk to. My friends are either, busy, in a relationship or too far away. I don't like to bother them. I'm not really thinking about tomorrow as anything more than a normal Thursday. What's the point? I'll just feel sorry for myself and why? No reason really.

I did venture out Saturday for a friends B-day. C and I headed out The Beehive in the South End. I love the South End, but don't get there as often as I would like. Its not Public Transportation friendly, but I was lucky to find a good space. The place was different; ecclectic, with a strange mix of people, between hipsters and the artsy crowd, to the trendy ones and then me, average girl.

Oh, I did get groped on the way out and was equal parts disgusted and pleased that the old girl still has it. Not groped, just stopped by a hand on my stomach, until I politely explained we were on our way out while looking pointedly at his lit cigarette in doors.

This weekend is a long one. Hopefully it will amount to something, though I'm not getting my hopes up.