All I can say right now is that its a pleasure being a Boston sports fan! I'm also proud to say that I never jumped on the band wagon. Many a teen aged summer night was spent sprawled on my couch waiting for Tim Naehring's at bat so I could swoon a little. What started with a 15 year old's crush has turned into a life-long love affair. I'm sad baseball is over for the year, but I'm happy I'll be able to get some GD sleep!
(I also loved the Patriots looooong before Brady. I have pictures of my dorm room plastered with posters of Drew Bledsoe, Yes, I said Drew Bledsoe, ask S.)
I'm sneaking down to the parade at lunch and meeting GJ, her husband is driving the white Duck in the parade.
I'm determined to get back on track in November. I've gots stories!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A Brief Reprieve.
I just came back to my desk, sat down and reached for the next thing to do. My hand clutched air and I realized: I have nothing to do. I'm not quite sure how long that will last, but for now I will relish it.
Not that I have a ton to write about, but I can't believe how long it has been since I have written. Texas was the perfect get-away and I felt a little refreshed when I returned. It was just nice to not have to get up and ride the T for a few days.
I did get (and still have) my first cold of the season, complete with a huge cold sore. Lovely. It has put any thoughts of D out of my head for this week, even though we did discuss getting together this week. Oh well! Its been almost a month since we've last hung out? Something like that. I suppose I could figure it out if i was so inclined, but I'm not.
So I guess that's where I am. Stuffy, baseball obsessed and trying to get through the work week. I'm also enjoying fall, but have yet to give up my flip flops, red toes be damned! I'm going to try to make it until November this year, or until my new Uggs come. I've been in a spending frenzy lately, and I'm starting to get knots in my stomach about credit card bills. I'm not sure why. I might as well spend my money, I don't know what I'm saving for?
I'm still in contact with G. Somehow through all this I have become his break-up buddy. Its very ironic to me, but I realized something through the whole J/WG and now G debacle. Guys just go for girls with issues. I'm not sure if they like the drama or feel they can "save" them and offer them a better life, its beyond me. I've also realized that while I'm not THE biggest fan of being alone, I can be; and I think that is something of which to be proud.
I don't feel the need to cling to whatever is thrown my way only to drop that when the next eligible thing comes along. These girls who flit from guy to guy, while stringing them all along, are a mystery to me. Why can't they just be happy on their own, letting a guy compliment their lives, rather than complete or consume it?
Whereas of course I would like to find someone to share my life with, (the key word share folks) I know if I don't, I will be okay. So many people are so petrified to be alone that they sabotage what happiness they have within themselves and who they are in order to not be alone.
Besides, its so much easier to only have to make yourself happy. I'm very easy to please: A good book, a glass of wine and some good food, makes for a happy Kate.
Not that I have a ton to write about, but I can't believe how long it has been since I have written. Texas was the perfect get-away and I felt a little refreshed when I returned. It was just nice to not have to get up and ride the T for a few days.
I did get (and still have) my first cold of the season, complete with a huge cold sore. Lovely. It has put any thoughts of D out of my head for this week, even though we did discuss getting together this week. Oh well! Its been almost a month since we've last hung out? Something like that. I suppose I could figure it out if i was so inclined, but I'm not.
So I guess that's where I am. Stuffy, baseball obsessed and trying to get through the work week. I'm also enjoying fall, but have yet to give up my flip flops, red toes be damned! I'm going to try to make it until November this year, or until my new Uggs come. I've been in a spending frenzy lately, and I'm starting to get knots in my stomach about credit card bills. I'm not sure why. I might as well spend my money, I don't know what I'm saving for?
I'm still in contact with G. Somehow through all this I have become his break-up buddy. Its very ironic to me, but I realized something through the whole J/WG and now G debacle. Guys just go for girls with issues. I'm not sure if they like the drama or feel they can "save" them and offer them a better life, its beyond me. I've also realized that while I'm not THE biggest fan of being alone, I can be; and I think that is something of which to be proud.
I don't feel the need to cling to whatever is thrown my way only to drop that when the next eligible thing comes along. These girls who flit from guy to guy, while stringing them all along, are a mystery to me. Why can't they just be happy on their own, letting a guy compliment their lives, rather than complete or consume it?
Whereas of course I would like to find someone to share my life with, (the key word share folks) I know if I don't, I will be okay. So many people are so petrified to be alone that they sabotage what happiness they have within themselves and who they are in order to not be alone.
Besides, its so much easier to only have to make yourself happy. I'm very easy to please: A good book, a glass of wine and some good food, makes for a happy Kate.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Long Two Weeks
Several things happened simultaneously in recent weeks.
1) My new nephew made a dramatic entrance into the world. Not being expected until Mid-November, his early arrival threw everyone off-guard and caused much anxiety. He's doing great though. I'm very excited to be a first time auntie, although his size frightens me and I probably won't be holding him until he's about 6 months old. I'll just wave at him from a safe distance.
2) My best friend decided to hate me, in the middle of the turmoil. I spent most of last week in inconsolable tears. I felt more and more pathetic as the days stretched on, crying at the drop of the hat, trying to balance a hectic work schedule, trying to fight traffic to go visit my brother and sister-in-law and then dealing with her unreasonable, selfish accusations. Being friends with someone for 26 years is tiring and when your personalities are so different, it can take a toll. Whereas she is mad at me, I'm not fighting back, I don't have the desire to make it right, right now. What I need is a well deserved break. Her first class ticket to MY life has been revoked.
3) The most trying of all the events is that G has reappeared. He called a few weeks ago and we talked. We discussed how he treated me when he met someone, we talked about that someone and how now she was treating him or using him I should say. He sad, depressed and confused. Sounds familiar. He said its Kharma for the way he's treated me, as well as, other things from his past, but I don't buy that. No on deserved to be treated like that or to feel that way. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
It was a good talk.
Later that week he calls again. He wants to visit, to get away. He doesn't want to come right away, he has a trip coming up. Then he says he's going to be in San Diego for the following weekend, would I come?
I'm ashamed to say I wanted to. I considered it, my finger hovered above the purchase button on some discount airfare sight. I sighed and went to bed. The next morning the prices had risen, I felt defeated, cried it out in the shower then went hiking with GJ. Before I went hiking I found out that sister-in-laws water broke. Everything was put into a different perspective. There was no knowing when the baby would arrive, I was relieved I didn't buy the ticket.
G understood, he knew he shouldn't have asked me to go there in the first place. The rest of the week was tense, BF got mad at me I cried all night, the next morning G left me an irate email that again produced tears, I left him a tear filled voicemail and got on with my day. I figured that was the end of our reconciliation and tried to focus on everything else.
Later that same day he called. He was never one to handle tears well. He listened to my explanation. I wasn't talking about him and his problems, I was talking about me and my problems. He coudln't expect to involve me to the extent that he did and not allow me to come to terms with it my own way. It wasn't about him, it was about me.
He asked me to reconsider comming to San Diego. I couldn't, not with the situation with the baby. He just didn't want to be alone. He needed a change to gain perspective. Then before I knew what I was doing (or maybe I did) I said he could come here, not thinking he actually would. It was Thursday. To buy a ticket at that short notice would be absurd.
Well absurd seems to be the right word to describe my life at this time.
He bought the ticket and was headed to Boston for the weekend. I felt a little anxious, but more about what people would say, rather than how I would feel.
There's really not too much to say about the weekend. He came, we talked, I think I helped a little. It helped me too.
My nephew showed up that Friday night, which provided a welcome distraction from the whole heaviness of the weekend, but it was fine. Just fine.
I was a little sad when he left, but I expected it. It was nice having someone around, a little bit of companionship. Nothing more will happen, I suppose I've gotten my closure.
Like I've said in the past, I'm a horrible girl friend, but the best Ex. I suppose that's not something to be proud of, but I find it so much easier to be the Ex than the GF. I'm sure that speaks volumes.
So here I am. A little down this week I suppose. I'll blame it on my poor eating/hydrating practices this week.
I'm off to Texas for a few days again to visit the married friends. It will be nice to get away, but its a little shadowed, seeing that this trip is why BF hates me right now.
Getting away is good though.
1) My new nephew made a dramatic entrance into the world. Not being expected until Mid-November, his early arrival threw everyone off-guard and caused much anxiety. He's doing great though. I'm very excited to be a first time auntie, although his size frightens me and I probably won't be holding him until he's about 6 months old. I'll just wave at him from a safe distance.
2) My best friend decided to hate me, in the middle of the turmoil. I spent most of last week in inconsolable tears. I felt more and more pathetic as the days stretched on, crying at the drop of the hat, trying to balance a hectic work schedule, trying to fight traffic to go visit my brother and sister-in-law and then dealing with her unreasonable, selfish accusations. Being friends with someone for 26 years is tiring and when your personalities are so different, it can take a toll. Whereas she is mad at me, I'm not fighting back, I don't have the desire to make it right, right now. What I need is a well deserved break. Her first class ticket to MY life has been revoked.
3) The most trying of all the events is that G has reappeared. He called a few weeks ago and we talked. We discussed how he treated me when he met someone, we talked about that someone and how now she was treating him or using him I should say. He sad, depressed and confused. Sounds familiar. He said its Kharma for the way he's treated me, as well as, other things from his past, but I don't buy that. No on deserved to be treated like that or to feel that way. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
It was a good talk.
Later that week he calls again. He wants to visit, to get away. He doesn't want to come right away, he has a trip coming up. Then he says he's going to be in San Diego for the following weekend, would I come?
I'm ashamed to say I wanted to. I considered it, my finger hovered above the purchase button on some discount airfare sight. I sighed and went to bed. The next morning the prices had risen, I felt defeated, cried it out in the shower then went hiking with GJ. Before I went hiking I found out that sister-in-laws water broke. Everything was put into a different perspective. There was no knowing when the baby would arrive, I was relieved I didn't buy the ticket.
G understood, he knew he shouldn't have asked me to go there in the first place. The rest of the week was tense, BF got mad at me I cried all night, the next morning G left me an irate email that again produced tears, I left him a tear filled voicemail and got on with my day. I figured that was the end of our reconciliation and tried to focus on everything else.
Later that same day he called. He was never one to handle tears well. He listened to my explanation. I wasn't talking about him and his problems, I was talking about me and my problems. He coudln't expect to involve me to the extent that he did and not allow me to come to terms with it my own way. It wasn't about him, it was about me.
He asked me to reconsider comming to San Diego. I couldn't, not with the situation with the baby. He just didn't want to be alone. He needed a change to gain perspective. Then before I knew what I was doing (or maybe I did) I said he could come here, not thinking he actually would. It was Thursday. To buy a ticket at that short notice would be absurd.
Well absurd seems to be the right word to describe my life at this time.
He bought the ticket and was headed to Boston for the weekend. I felt a little anxious, but more about what people would say, rather than how I would feel.
There's really not too much to say about the weekend. He came, we talked, I think I helped a little. It helped me too.
My nephew showed up that Friday night, which provided a welcome distraction from the whole heaviness of the weekend, but it was fine. Just fine.
I was a little sad when he left, but I expected it. It was nice having someone around, a little bit of companionship. Nothing more will happen, I suppose I've gotten my closure.
Like I've said in the past, I'm a horrible girl friend, but the best Ex. I suppose that's not something to be proud of, but I find it so much easier to be the Ex than the GF. I'm sure that speaks volumes.
So here I am. A little down this week I suppose. I'll blame it on my poor eating/hydrating practices this week.
I'm off to Texas for a few days again to visit the married friends. It will be nice to get away, but its a little shadowed, seeing that this trip is why BF hates me right now.
Getting away is good though.
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