Yee Haw!

So I'm back from Texas. Well I have been back since Sunday night, and I've been trying to write, or think about what to write and I'm still in that process, but I wanted to write something down.

I'm in the middle of training my replacement so I'm using her lunch break to slack off.

So I have one week left at my job, I had an interview on Monday that I'm hoping went well and I'm in hyper-spring cleaning mode, which is bizarre for me because I hate cleaning and I hate trying to organize, but its happening.

Everything is so up in the air, and I haven't caught on to the fact that I'm NOT going to be getting a paycheck in the near future, but other than that I'm excited about the future. I hope there will be very positive changes coming my way soon.

Texas coming soon! I promise myself.

Ahhh Life, You Twisted Bitch

Its like now that I'm about to be unemployed someone is playing a cruel joke on my to wrack up all these random charges.

My car died. D-I-E-D. I was taking a corner and BOOM! There was no power steering, no brakes, nothing. It just died. No warning, no fond farewell, absolutely nothing. After I had treated her so well, I am a little put out.

Being helpless on the side of the road is humiliating on so many levels. Especially when you are a woman, because any man who stops automatically assume that you are a bimbo.

One guy actually said to me three times, "I'm going to need you to listen to me veeery carefully." Yes, he did draw out the very. "Have you tried to restart the car?"

I looked at him with my plastered smile on my face., "No you jackass I've been sitting here in the freezing rain with my hazards on because my car is PERFECTLY FINE!"

Sigh....

Thank God for AAA. Its probably one of the better investments in my life.

So I've been towed back to work, I have to make my brother come and pick me up and drive me to my parents house so I can borrow their car, drive back to good ol' Cambridge because I haven't packed a thing for Texas.

It is just funny how I can float through life stressing to myself how fine I am and looking on the positive side of everything. I can focus on what I enjoy and what is coming up in my life, things of which to look forward, but in an instant a small situation like this can really make you breathtakingly aware of just how alone you really are.

Even though I will handle this myself or with the help of my parents, there's just that awareness that there really wasn't anyone whose main concern would be the fact that I was stuck in the freezing rain, in a broken down vehicle. It was only my main concern.

Just me. Only me.

It hurts. It really does, but only for a moment. I can't let myself dwell on that fact or I will mostly likely fall to pieces. In my most negative moments I allow myself to wonder what is it about me that makes it so easy to not care, why is it that I have to be alone, but I understand how this is counterproductive, but we all have our moments. So I will keep on plugging along until another random incident knocks me on my ass and I have to take a moment before I can pick myself up and dust myself off.

Again.....

Change is Good

I don't feel right.

I can't get a handle on what it is that I'm actually feeling, but I know it doesn't feel right. The looming change that is handing over my head, has started to move and is settling in the pit of my stomach. A lot of things tend to settle there: Change, sadness, depression, stress. Stupid pit.

The way I'm describing my leaving is as bittersweet. I'm happy to be moving on and starting or finding something new, but its sad. Goddamn its sad. Four years is a long time. I won't miss the job. I hate the job. The actual what I DO part of the job, but I like the environment and the people. I'm afraid I will lose some part of my identity when I leave here.

UGH! I just feel S-A-D.

Its an unsettled feeling. Its the kind of feeling that make my feet rub together constantly when I'm trying to relax and read or watch TV. Sitting still is not an option.

Its the "now what?" feeling and the "what the hell did I do feeling?" The second guessing, the fear of hating the next job as much as this one, but not having the same quality of people to make up for it.

I think I've cried every day this week. I'm not traditionally a crier, but judging from my track record in 2007 you would have thought that my resolution was to cry more and cry often. Even now the tears are just a small prick away behind my lashes.

I know its time to go. Everyone here knows its time for me to go. Seriously, I'm like the 30 year old guy still living at home with his mom here. Everyone was probably wondering when I would get my act together.

I know I will be missed and hopefully I can get over this sad feeling and begin to get excited about the future.

My immediate future sees me at dinner tonight at a great south end restaurant Stella and then tomorrow out again for a birthday party. I was also out last night too, so obviously the financial ramifications of my unemployment have not sunk in yet. Its also a long weekend with Marathon Monday, but the impending nor-eastah is not boding well for the poor runners.

Next Thursday I'm off to Dallas to visit the married friends, but in my defense the tickets were bought before I knew I was going to be unemployed.

Holy S*&*%

I gave my notice yesterday.

I don't think it has quite sunk in yet, but my last day will be May 4th. No, I don't have another job.

This all transpired on Friday when i was called into my supervisors office at 4:45. After a long schpele about communication and where the important time is and when they need me there she broke the news that they wished to move me to the 2:00 PM to 8:00 PM time slot.

That means not only did they want me to have crappy hours, but they wanted to cut me to part time thus cutting my pay. Now I may have some savings, but I don't really have enough to be able to work part time.

I told her I didn't think I could do it. I was fighting the urge to not tear up and I told her I would think about it over the weekend. I cried all the way home, and seeing it was Easter Weekend, that was all of the hour and ten minutes it took to get to my parents house.

Lucky for me my Dad had the foresight to leave me a glass of wine on the kitchen table.

I knew it was the last straw and I also knew it would be a good opportunity to get out. I went in yesterday morning and had a long talk with my supervisor and let her know that I would be giving my notice. I told her I thought it would be positive for everyone and that it was time for me to move on. She even confessed that as much as the Registrar's position may be evolving, it would never get to the level that I would be looking for or what I'm capable of.

So there you have it. Its been almost four years, but I'm excited for a new start. Scared out of my mind, but excited nonetheless. I'm sad and its going to be hard to say goodbye to everyone, but its just one of those things that comes with that damn growing up stuff they keep forcing on me.

I emailed G this morning. I want to tell him seeing as he heard me whine about it for so long, I want him to know I'm being proactive and changing. I want to be his friend. If he doesn't write back, so be it. It was his decision.