Not Really Sure

I'm not really sure why I'm not writing. I've never been a great writer, but most of the time I've wanted to write, to get things off my chest and out of my head. Now I don't feel like putting anything down on paper. Nothing has been interesting me. It's not like I haven't been doing anything. I've actually been very busy, with plans most nights of the week, but they're just hanging out with friends.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing the time, but I don't know what I'm waiting for?

Everything is the same. Job, friends, apartment, relationships (or lack thereof) and I like the consistency, but I'm a bit bored too. The only think that is different is that I'm a brunette. That is new. It's different and I like it, but I will probably go back to being blond in the future.

D is still around, but I haven't seen him in person since before Christmas. That whole situation is boring me as well. I don't want anything more from him, but sometimes my thoughts get the best of me, like "why is he embarrassed by me?" but then I push those thoughts out. What's the point in thinking that way. I think I need to let it fade out.

My co-worker think I should join Match, but I honestly don't think I have the self-confidence for that kind of experience right now. I'm not very good at rejection. They want my other co-worker to do it too and I know I would put up a poor showing next to her, so I'm opting out.

I just feel in limbo. I wish I could move forward into becoming an adult, but I don't have the money to afford my own place. I seriously have the feeling that I will never meet someone. I'm not saying this in a morose depressive way; it's just a legitimate feeling. I don't know how to be in a relationship or share my life, so how will I ever feel comfortable enough to date?

It's a foreign concept to me at this time.

I guess I'm being all cliche and focusing on myself, but the bottom line is that sometimes I do get lonely, which is why I keep D around. For the crutch of possibility.

Anyway, my life right now is barely worth the bother of writing. I have nothing exciting or noteworthy.

Just another single girl muddling through life, ignoring the inevitable that she is getting older, even if she doesn't feel like she is.

It's pathetic really......