Change is Good

I don't feel right.

I can't get a handle on what it is that I'm actually feeling, but I know it doesn't feel right. The looming change that is handing over my head, has started to move and is settling in the pit of my stomach. A lot of things tend to settle there: Change, sadness, depression, stress. Stupid pit.

The way I'm describing my leaving is as bittersweet. I'm happy to be moving on and starting or finding something new, but its sad. Goddamn its sad. Four years is a long time. I won't miss the job. I hate the job. The actual what I DO part of the job, but I like the environment and the people. I'm afraid I will lose some part of my identity when I leave here.

UGH! I just feel S-A-D.

Its an unsettled feeling. Its the kind of feeling that make my feet rub together constantly when I'm trying to relax and read or watch TV. Sitting still is not an option.

Its the "now what?" feeling and the "what the hell did I do feeling?" The second guessing, the fear of hating the next job as much as this one, but not having the same quality of people to make up for it.

I think I've cried every day this week. I'm not traditionally a crier, but judging from my track record in 2007 you would have thought that my resolution was to cry more and cry often. Even now the tears are just a small prick away behind my lashes.

I know its time to go. Everyone here knows its time for me to go. Seriously, I'm like the 30 year old guy still living at home with his mom here. Everyone was probably wondering when I would get my act together.

I know I will be missed and hopefully I can get over this sad feeling and begin to get excited about the future.

My immediate future sees me at dinner tonight at a great south end restaurant Stella and then tomorrow out again for a birthday party. I was also out last night too, so obviously the financial ramifications of my unemployment have not sunk in yet. Its also a long weekend with Marathon Monday, but the impending nor-eastah is not boding well for the poor runners.

Next Thursday I'm off to Dallas to visit the married friends, but in my defense the tickets were bought before I knew I was going to be unemployed.