Several things happened simultaneously in recent weeks.
1) My new nephew made a dramatic entrance into the world. Not being expected until Mid-November, his early arrival threw everyone off-guard and caused much anxiety. He's doing great though. I'm very excited to be a first time auntie, although his size frightens me and I probably won't be holding him until he's about 6 months old. I'll just wave at him from a safe distance.
2) My best friend decided to hate me, in the middle of the turmoil. I spent most of last week in inconsolable tears. I felt more and more pathetic as the days stretched on, crying at the drop of the hat, trying to balance a hectic work schedule, trying to fight traffic to go visit my brother and sister-in-law and then dealing with her unreasonable, selfish accusations. Being friends with someone for 26 years is tiring and when your personalities are so different, it can take a toll. Whereas she is mad at me, I'm not fighting back, I don't have the desire to make it right, right now. What I need is a well deserved break. Her first class ticket to MY life has been revoked.
3) The most trying of all the events is that G has reappeared. He called a few weeks ago and we talked. We discussed how he treated me when he met someone, we talked about that someone and how now she was treating him or using him I should say. He sad, depressed and confused. Sounds familiar. He said its Kharma for the way he's treated me, as well as, other things from his past, but I don't buy that. No on deserved to be treated like that or to feel that way. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
It was a good talk.
Later that week he calls again. He wants to visit, to get away. He doesn't want to come right away, he has a trip coming up. Then he says he's going to be in San Diego for the following weekend, would I come?
I'm ashamed to say I wanted to. I considered it, my finger hovered above the purchase button on some discount airfare sight. I sighed and went to bed. The next morning the prices had risen, I felt defeated, cried it out in the shower then went hiking with GJ. Before I went hiking I found out that sister-in-laws water broke. Everything was put into a different perspective. There was no knowing when the baby would arrive, I was relieved I didn't buy the ticket.
G understood, he knew he shouldn't have asked me to go there in the first place. The rest of the week was tense, BF got mad at me I cried all night, the next morning G left me an irate email that again produced tears, I left him a tear filled voicemail and got on with my day. I figured that was the end of our reconciliation and tried to focus on everything else.
Later that same day he called. He was never one to handle tears well. He listened to my explanation. I wasn't talking about him and his problems, I was talking about me and my problems. He coudln't expect to involve me to the extent that he did and not allow me to come to terms with it my own way. It wasn't about him, it was about me.
He asked me to reconsider comming to San Diego. I couldn't, not with the situation with the baby. He just didn't want to be alone. He needed a change to gain perspective. Then before I knew what I was doing (or maybe I did) I said he could come here, not thinking he actually would. It was Thursday. To buy a ticket at that short notice would be absurd.
Well absurd seems to be the right word to describe my life at this time.
He bought the ticket and was headed to Boston for the weekend. I felt a little anxious, but more about what people would say, rather than how I would feel.
There's really not too much to say about the weekend. He came, we talked, I think I helped a little. It helped me too.
My nephew showed up that Friday night, which provided a welcome distraction from the whole heaviness of the weekend, but it was fine. Just fine.
I was a little sad when he left, but I expected it. It was nice having someone around, a little bit of companionship. Nothing more will happen, I suppose I've gotten my closure.
Like I've said in the past, I'm a horrible girl friend, but the best Ex. I suppose that's not something to be proud of, but I find it so much easier to be the Ex than the GF. I'm sure that speaks volumes.
So here I am. A little down this week I suppose. I'll blame it on my poor eating/hydrating practices this week.
I'm off to Texas for a few days again to visit the married friends. It will be nice to get away, but its a little shadowed, seeing that this trip is why BF hates me right now.
Getting away is good though.
No comments:
Post a Comment