Well....He's not Dead

So, I finally heard from G.

Its only been four months and two since I my last attempt at contacting him.

It was weird, the mixed emotions of relief at finally seeing the familiar address in my inbox and anger at why he even bothered after all this time all that combined with the fact that I had just rolled out of bed.


Because my lap top sits on a table right near my door, I've gotten into the stupid habit if checking my email first thing in the morning. Usually its fine, but for surprising inbox admissions, its not.

I scrolled through the junk main and sales offers all the way down to the end, and I stopped short. Something had looked familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I slowly scrolled back up and yep, there it was, a message from G.

I sat down hard, forgetting at 6:45 in the morning that I didn't actually have a desk chair, but a stability ball. Luckily for me catching myself after almost falling is second nature and I righted myself without incedent. Though I may have pulled something in the abdominal area.

I click on the message and there it is. He's sorry it took so long to respond. He kept forgetting. We gee, thanks! I can't tell you how great that felt. It almost like him deliberatley not writing me was better than him forgetting. Like you have to actually think about someone to NOT write them.

After the intial surprise at recieving the message wore off, I felt, well I felt nothing. It was good to feel nothing. Did I even want to write him back? Was there any point to doing so? I read the rest of his message. He said he was glad I left my old job and asked if I got a new one, and then his bombshell: He was no longer living in San Diego. He moved to Sacramento to be closer to his father who has health problems.

It just seems strange how disconnected we are, well to me of course. I know G and the way he is, I was never really let in. I guess I should be grateful he wrote at all and I am. I still worried about him from time to time and I guess I always will. Its my curse. I care too damn much about people who could give very little about me.

Oh well! When I was able to navigate through all my muddled feelings I'm glad he wrote and I know a little bit about where he's at. A very very little bit, at that. I hope he will stay in touch. For a long time he was first for me, and its always hard to let that go.