Funky

I am in a funk.

I had big, well moderate, plans for the day which included waking up, packing up my car, going to the gym on the way home and going back to Cambridge. Instead, I'm sitting at my parents kitchen table, in my towel, hair wet, watching The View.

I keep telling myself that there is not rush, but the reality is that I have no energy. I'm antsy and anxious, but I can't bring myself to do anything.

I don't think its because I have no job. That hasn't really affected me yet. I know I'll find something soon and I have that interview tomorrow. I don't know what it is, which means it is unfounded and most likely hormonal. Stupid hormones! Sadly enough it was triggered by a dream that I had the other morning that involved G. The stupid thing is that I cannot even remember what the dream was about, just that he was in it and I awoke with a distinct sadness surrounding me.

Oh I'll be fine soon, I just hate muddling through it. I hate that a dream can allow you to spiral into such a mood. I barely think of G anymore. Occasionally he will cross my mind, but he made up his and I can't control what he wishes to do about our relationship, or lack thereof. It is disappointing, but I have accepted it, I mean GOOD LORD its been almost three months. It is just hard to think that I thought he would be a lifer as a friend, and I was absolutely worth nothing to him.

At least its a lesson learned. Something I can file away and refer to when I venture (if that happens) into a new relationship.

I'm moving in small steps today. I did shower, now I have to dry my hair. Baby steps!

Hopefully by the end of the week I will have good news, getting a job would give me a huge sense of accomplishment! I'm focusing on employment first, shelter second.