It's me.
I haven't written in...what?...FIVE months and the funny thing is.... nothing has changed!
Well I mean some things have changed. I'm 30 now for one thing. I feel no different. I don't think I look different, but it's weird saying 30. At least I'm not alone, some of my closest friends are 30.
G has disappeared from my life without so much of an explanation. Good riddance to him. It's come to the point that I almost wish I had never met him. I hate to say that because I never want to regret anything, but sometimes (most of the time) I truly believe that my life would have been better without me knowing him. He has brought nothing positive into my life, except the knowledge that no matter how much you are there for someone, or care about someone, that will not prevent them from treating you like a big pile of garbage.
So I reiterate. Good riddance to him.
Other than that small hiccup my life is moving along and I am for the most part content. I mean of course there are moments when I wish I had someone to share a lot of things with, and then there are other moments when I'm not sure if I could be in a relationship. Most of the stories I hear are horror stories! Maybe I'm just listening to the wrong people and I don't want to be alone forever, but right now....I'm good.
I'm also fine with it because the thought of dating petrifies me! I can't even imagine sitting across from someone I barely know (or not know at all) and have to try and convince him that I am a great person and he should want to hang out with me and take me out and just like me. Why can't they just know that right away? It's exhausting to even think about, so I've just pushed it out of my mind. I guess when the time is right I'll know. Maybe.
All my friends have left me. They've flown off to do their residencies. I don't notice it so much right now because it's summer and I'm not around the city that much in the summer because it's too darn hot, but I'm sure once the fall comes I will miss them a lot. I guess that's the only reason I should try to date; so I can find someone to do stuff with.
In case you're wondering, D is still floating around. After ending it twice with me within a month, back in March or April? He came back. I guess we're both screwed up. I barely see him, but we talk a lot. I've always talked a good game, but sometimes I would rather just go home than see him. We've been in this silly situation for 2 years now. Everything gets old eventually.
So yah! Me....the same...yet different, but really the same. Sometimes I'm impressed by my stable consistency, but most of the time I'm distressed by my boredom. Sorry I would rather read than climb a mountain.
Let me know if you missed me! Even a little. A girls got to gather her compliments where she can.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, February 09, 2009
Not Really Sure
I'm not really sure why I'm not writing. I've never been a great writer, but most of the time I've wanted to write, to get things off my chest and out of my head. Now I don't feel like putting anything down on paper. Nothing has been interesting me. It's not like I haven't been doing anything. I've actually been very busy, with plans most nights of the week, but they're just hanging out with friends.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing the time, but I don't know what I'm waiting for?
Everything is the same. Job, friends, apartment, relationships (or lack thereof) and I like the consistency, but I'm a bit bored too. The only think that is different is that I'm a brunette. That is new. It's different and I like it, but I will probably go back to being blond in the future.
D is still around, but I haven't seen him in person since before Christmas. That whole situation is boring me as well. I don't want anything more from him, but sometimes my thoughts get the best of me, like "why is he embarrassed by me?" but then I push those thoughts out. What's the point in thinking that way. I think I need to let it fade out.
My co-worker think I should join Match, but I honestly don't think I have the self-confidence for that kind of experience right now. I'm not very good at rejection. They want my other co-worker to do it too and I know I would put up a poor showing next to her, so I'm opting out.
I just feel in limbo. I wish I could move forward into becoming an adult, but I don't have the money to afford my own place. I seriously have the feeling that I will never meet someone. I'm not saying this in a morose depressive way; it's just a legitimate feeling. I don't know how to be in a relationship or share my life, so how will I ever feel comfortable enough to date?
It's a foreign concept to me at this time.
I guess I'm being all cliche and focusing on myself, but the bottom line is that sometimes I do get lonely, which is why I keep D around. For the crutch of possibility.
Anyway, my life right now is barely worth the bother of writing. I have nothing exciting or noteworthy.
Just another single girl muddling through life, ignoring the inevitable that she is getting older, even if she doesn't feel like she is.
It's pathetic really......
Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing the time, but I don't know what I'm waiting for?
Everything is the same. Job, friends, apartment, relationships (or lack thereof) and I like the consistency, but I'm a bit bored too. The only think that is different is that I'm a brunette. That is new. It's different and I like it, but I will probably go back to being blond in the future.
D is still around, but I haven't seen him in person since before Christmas. That whole situation is boring me as well. I don't want anything more from him, but sometimes my thoughts get the best of me, like "why is he embarrassed by me?" but then I push those thoughts out. What's the point in thinking that way. I think I need to let it fade out.
My co-worker think I should join Match, but I honestly don't think I have the self-confidence for that kind of experience right now. I'm not very good at rejection. They want my other co-worker to do it too and I know I would put up a poor showing next to her, so I'm opting out.
I just feel in limbo. I wish I could move forward into becoming an adult, but I don't have the money to afford my own place. I seriously have the feeling that I will never meet someone. I'm not saying this in a morose depressive way; it's just a legitimate feeling. I don't know how to be in a relationship or share my life, so how will I ever feel comfortable enough to date?
It's a foreign concept to me at this time.
I guess I'm being all cliche and focusing on myself, but the bottom line is that sometimes I do get lonely, which is why I keep D around. For the crutch of possibility.
Anyway, my life right now is barely worth the bother of writing. I have nothing exciting or noteworthy.
Just another single girl muddling through life, ignoring the inevitable that she is getting older, even if she doesn't feel like she is.
It's pathetic really......
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Swear
I haven't abandoned ship yet.
I'm just.... how to put it lightly? Boring! I mean we've been over this time and time again...I have S.A.D. It's in full force lately. The temperatures have been inhumane here in lovely Boston and I haven't really wanted to do much of anything. So I haven't.
I do try to force myself to do stuff. I went to hot yoga last week with my brother's fiance. I can't say no when she asks, which is good. It forces me to get out and do something, but let me tell you... those toxins were being releases from me days after. I had a headache for two days following and I was sore in places I didn't know possible. It served me right for taking two seasons off!
Sunday I watched the complete 4th season of Lost. I know! Impressive right? Now I'm all set for tomorrow.
In a bit we (at work) get to go watch the inauguration. I'm excited. It's history that I get to be a part of. I have don't have the high hopes that some have. I'm more of a wait and see kinda girl, but any change is positive change.
Other than that, it's January. I've never been a huge fan of January and we have gotten more snow in the past month than I can remember. I can't really take much more, but I'm doing the best I can. At least I finally invested in some killer snow boots. Y'think after most of my life in this city I would have already, but I was trapped in stubborn denial.
Today is also two of my best friends 30th birthdays. It is also the day of their grandmother's wake. I feel terrible. I'm leaving early to go to the wake this evening.
They are the first in a string of 30th birthdays to come. I still haven't done anything amazing for my 30th year, not that I really planned to or want to, but doesn't it seem like I should? I've done nothing else leading up to my 30's. Oh well... we'll see.. it's not off the table.
I am planning to drive cross country in the summer. I guess I can make that in honor of my leaving my 20's behind. Maybe I won't come back. I'll just sell it all and stay at the Grand Canyon and open a kitschy tourist trap. I could wear cargo shorts and wife beater tank tops and a safari hat all the time and get tanned leathery skin and bleached blond hair and have a constant aura of dessert dry dust surrounding me.
Hmmmm... Sounds like me doesn't it?
I'm just.... how to put it lightly? Boring! I mean we've been over this time and time again...I have S.A.D. It's in full force lately. The temperatures have been inhumane here in lovely Boston and I haven't really wanted to do much of anything. So I haven't.
I do try to force myself to do stuff. I went to hot yoga last week with my brother's fiance. I can't say no when she asks, which is good. It forces me to get out and do something, but let me tell you... those toxins were being releases from me days after. I had a headache for two days following and I was sore in places I didn't know possible. It served me right for taking two seasons off!
Sunday I watched the complete 4th season of Lost. I know! Impressive right? Now I'm all set for tomorrow.
In a bit we (at work) get to go watch the inauguration. I'm excited. It's history that I get to be a part of. I have don't have the high hopes that some have. I'm more of a wait and see kinda girl, but any change is positive change.
Other than that, it's January. I've never been a huge fan of January and we have gotten more snow in the past month than I can remember. I can't really take much more, but I'm doing the best I can. At least I finally invested in some killer snow boots. Y'think after most of my life in this city I would have already, but I was trapped in stubborn denial.
Today is also two of my best friends 30th birthdays. It is also the day of their grandmother's wake. I feel terrible. I'm leaving early to go to the wake this evening.
They are the first in a string of 30th birthdays to come. I still haven't done anything amazing for my 30th year, not that I really planned to or want to, but doesn't it seem like I should? I've done nothing else leading up to my 30's. Oh well... we'll see.. it's not off the table.
I am planning to drive cross country in the summer. I guess I can make that in honor of my leaving my 20's behind. Maybe I won't come back. I'll just sell it all and stay at the Grand Canyon and open a kitschy tourist trap. I could wear cargo shorts and wife beater tank tops and a safari hat all the time and get tanned leathery skin and bleached blond hair and have a constant aura of dessert dry dust surrounding me.
Hmmmm... Sounds like me doesn't it?
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Looooong Day
Yesterday was long.
Not only did we have to go to work and get all of our tasks done, but we had to travel to another location, wear stupid ugly polyester jerseys and be friendly and out going and welcoming.
To me...that is exhausting.
It was also fun though and it really does reaffirm to me that I am working for a great cause and working at a great place with mostly great people.
The jerseys though? Ugh...I hope they don't make a repeat next year. The did nothing for me. I don't know how they expected me to catch a Boston Athlete in that get -up. Sigh, oh well, maybe next year.
The event honors all the sports teams in the area, so the Athlete spotting was the best part of the night, although it was a little lacking this year as opposed to last year when I got to take my picture with the Worlds Series trophies. Now that? That was amazing.
This year was still interesting, but instead of trying to spot Matt Cassel, (who was being honored) or Patrice Bergerone, I was on the look out for D. I didn't want to be caught unaware. I needed to look perky, friendly, busy and important all at the same time. I even considered stealing an ear piece that the events team was running around with, but refrained.
Unfortunately for me he strolled in at a later time when the business was dying down. He checked in at the line next to mine, (they were alphabetical), but he didn't see me so I called him name softly so as not to be auspicious, but to get his attention.
He hear and turned to see who it was calling him, and I can't help but to say his face almost lit up a little? I hesitate to say this, because I never think anyone is happy to see me, but it seemed like it, a little, but you know the lights were pretty bright. I don't remember what we said. I just said Hi and that it was nice to see him, but he was with colleagues, but he was sweet.
The girl I was partnered with asked me who he was. I was hesitant at first after this incident, but told her he was friend of mine that was a Dr. at the Hospital, but we had known each other since before I started working there. She was amazed he was a Doctor because she thought he looked young and that at first she thought he was one of the athletes.
I groaned inwardly. Like he needed that ego boost!
At the end I was seated at the checkout, but it wasn't busy. I saw him coming and he gave me a low hip level wave and I winked back and smiled. I thought that would be it, but he came over and jokingly asked where the men's room was so I pointed him in the direction of the ladies and teased him for not winning any auctions items.
So he did not ignore me. It was like we were actually friends. Go fig!
The night was long and I got home late and now I'm at work drooping. I finished all my work early, because I'm just that good and now I'm wishing I could go home and dreaming of what I can make for dinner. I'm thinking comfort food, but I'm at a loss for what to make.
All I know is I want my comfy clothes now because hibernating season is in full affect!
Not only did we have to go to work and get all of our tasks done, but we had to travel to another location, wear stupid ugly polyester jerseys and be friendly and out going and welcoming.
To me...that is exhausting.
It was also fun though and it really does reaffirm to me that I am working for a great cause and working at a great place with mostly great people.
The jerseys though? Ugh...I hope they don't make a repeat next year. The did nothing for me. I don't know how they expected me to catch a Boston Athlete in that get -up. Sigh, oh well, maybe next year.
The event honors all the sports teams in the area, so the Athlete spotting was the best part of the night, although it was a little lacking this year as opposed to last year when I got to take my picture with the Worlds Series trophies. Now that? That was amazing.
This year was still interesting, but instead of trying to spot Matt Cassel, (who was being honored) or Patrice Bergerone, I was on the look out for D. I didn't want to be caught unaware. I needed to look perky, friendly, busy and important all at the same time. I even considered stealing an ear piece that the events team was running around with, but refrained.
Unfortunately for me he strolled in at a later time when the business was dying down. He checked in at the line next to mine, (they were alphabetical), but he didn't see me so I called him name softly so as not to be auspicious, but to get his attention.
He hear and turned to see who it was calling him, and I can't help but to say his face almost lit up a little? I hesitate to say this, because I never think anyone is happy to see me, but it seemed like it, a little, but you know the lights were pretty bright. I don't remember what we said. I just said Hi and that it was nice to see him, but he was with colleagues, but he was sweet.
The girl I was partnered with asked me who he was. I was hesitant at first after this incident, but told her he was friend of mine that was a Dr. at the Hospital, but we had known each other since before I started working there. She was amazed he was a Doctor because she thought he looked young and that at first she thought he was one of the athletes.
I groaned inwardly. Like he needed that ego boost!
At the end I was seated at the checkout, but it wasn't busy. I saw him coming and he gave me a low hip level wave and I winked back and smiled. I thought that would be it, but he came over and jokingly asked where the men's room was so I pointed him in the direction of the ladies and teased him for not winning any auctions items.
So he did not ignore me. It was like we were actually friends. Go fig!
The night was long and I got home late and now I'm at work drooping. I finished all my work early, because I'm just that good and now I'm wishing I could go home and dreaming of what I can make for dinner. I'm thinking comfort food, but I'm at a loss for what to make.
All I know is I want my comfy clothes now because hibernating season is in full affect!
Monday, December 01, 2008
Oh Man....
It's December....
Why don't we just forget about November and my lack of attention to my little bloggie area shall we?
November was fun, frustrating and boring all at the same time. I was looking forward to a business trip to Charleston, SC that left me quite disappointed. The chance to travel was fun, it was just my travel companions that were lacking. I had high hopes, but the situation didn't allow for such hopes to be realized. That was in the middle of the month.
I made it through the Holiday weekend mostly unscathed. We'll call Saturday a "lost day". After hanging my head over the toilet for a while, my mom asked me what I had consumed and I said. "not much" but as I started the list, it kept going and ended with, "Oh yah...and there was that shot." Ugh...
I went out with people from home; people from high school. It made me want to get back to Boston, to live MY life. It was surreal being there, and most of my friends aren't exactly that nice. I think I was drinking to be comfortable. I vaguely remember talking to a girl i played sports with in high school and her looking at me confusedly, most likely because I wasn't making much sense.
The monster hangover did give me a GREAT excuse to get McD's!
So yah... It's December. I love December! I love Christmas season! Yay!
Nothing else really has happened. D has actually made the trek to my place. It was strange and I was a little thrown off by his wanting to go there, but nothing else has changed in that department.
I'm working at an event for my job tomorrow night and he will be a guest. Lovely eh? I'm the hired help and he will be in attendance at $1500 a head. Sigh... So embarrassing. I asked him flat out if he was going to ignore me. He said no, but we will see.
I still have a lot of free time at work, so I'm going to try to be more frequent in my posting. Haha, yes I know I've said that before, but I REALLY want to. I'll just write about stupid mundane stuff that no one except me really cares about. That's what a journal is all about right?
So until next time! Which will be soon!
Why don't we just forget about November and my lack of attention to my little bloggie area shall we?
November was fun, frustrating and boring all at the same time. I was looking forward to a business trip to Charleston, SC that left me quite disappointed. The chance to travel was fun, it was just my travel companions that were lacking. I had high hopes, but the situation didn't allow for such hopes to be realized. That was in the middle of the month.
I made it through the Holiday weekend mostly unscathed. We'll call Saturday a "lost day". After hanging my head over the toilet for a while, my mom asked me what I had consumed and I said. "not much" but as I started the list, it kept going and ended with, "Oh yah...and there was that shot." Ugh...
I went out with people from home; people from high school. It made me want to get back to Boston, to live MY life. It was surreal being there, and most of my friends aren't exactly that nice. I think I was drinking to be comfortable. I vaguely remember talking to a girl i played sports with in high school and her looking at me confusedly, most likely because I wasn't making much sense.
The monster hangover did give me a GREAT excuse to get McD's!
So yah... It's December. I love December! I love Christmas season! Yay!
Nothing else really has happened. D has actually made the trek to my place. It was strange and I was a little thrown off by his wanting to go there, but nothing else has changed in that department.
I'm working at an event for my job tomorrow night and he will be a guest. Lovely eh? I'm the hired help and he will be in attendance at $1500 a head. Sigh... So embarrassing. I asked him flat out if he was going to ignore me. He said no, but we will see.
I still have a lot of free time at work, so I'm going to try to be more frequent in my posting. Haha, yes I know I've said that before, but I REALLY want to. I'll just write about stupid mundane stuff that no one except me really cares about. That's what a journal is all about right?
So until next time! Which will be soon!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
More Adventures in Blackberrying
Yesterday I took myself and my blackberry to our 2 o'clock appointment with the help desk. I had requested that my work email be placed on my personal blackberry. I'm still not sure why? I think the reason is because I can. That sounds pretty good.
I run down to the second floor and fly through the door to where the Help office is. Someone is there before me: Hot New Guy. (forevermore known as HNG.)
Now, HNG is quite the anomaly here at work for several reasons: he's hot and he's (as far as our research has shown us) strait. (Okay two reasons). This does not happen very often. In fact, in the year and a half that I have been working here it has NOT happened. HNG has been here for 3 weeks. Have I mentioned he's hot?
Anyway! So I ask him if he's waiting and he waves his work issued blackberry at me and says that he has a 2 o'clock to drop it off to be fixed. He introduces himself and holds out his hand, I reply and to my dismay take his hand, wishing that mere moments earlier I had takes the extra 5 seconds to dry my hand completely rather than letting the rest air dry. THEY WERE CLEAN THOUGH!
He makes small talk, I gauge his height. I'm thinking about 6'1" or 6'2". I came a little above his shoulder, but I was wearing my fuck-off heals, so those put me around 5'9, 5'9.5" so he was a bit taller still. He was cute with the small talk: how long have you been here? Where were you before? He grew up in a town that houses on of the locations of where I used to work. He confessed that he played the trumpet badly in high school and lamented about the fact that he was bad at typing on his blackberry.
We were out of the closed office for about 10 mins trying to debate whether or not we should knock. Another new colleague walked by and as HNG was talking to him, I shot off a quick Blackberry message to amuse my friends up stairs.
"I'm standing outside the office with Hot New Guy." I actually wrote hot new guy, not his actual name.
"Lucky!" came the response from upstairs.
Next thing I knew we decided to knock on the door. It opened and the help lady took our phones.
"Nice to meet you!" He said and took off.
I went back to my desk and declared how cute he was and the girl I had been messaging asked me if I got her message.
"Yes! It said 'Lucky' right?"
"No! The other one when I said "Are you just talking or making out?"
"Oh no! I never got that, it must have come in AFTER they took my phone!" After that we can't stop laughing. This is just going to add to our reputation here at work, but oh well! We got a good laugh out of it.
Besides, what's the worse that could happen? HNG could find out that I find him attractive? I'm sure it wouldn't be a surprise, he HAS to know he's cute.
We kept an eye on the message, but it was never read, and then the Help Lady, (who now needs a new name like "the fuck up lady" or the "completely useless Lady") completely wiped my blackberry.
Everything. Was. Gone. Messages, texts, pictures, emails, folders, setting, vanished.
It had taken me 2 hours to get everything to where I wanted it and in mere minutes she destroyed the whole thing. Needless to say I was agitated, but there was nothing I could do, but start from scratch.
It's up to snuff now.
Except I still don't have my work email on it. SIGH........
I run down to the second floor and fly through the door to where the Help office is. Someone is there before me: Hot New Guy. (forevermore known as HNG.)
Now, HNG is quite the anomaly here at work for several reasons: he's hot and he's (as far as our research has shown us) strait. (Okay two reasons). This does not happen very often. In fact, in the year and a half that I have been working here it has NOT happened. HNG has been here for 3 weeks. Have I mentioned he's hot?
Anyway! So I ask him if he's waiting and he waves his work issued blackberry at me and says that he has a 2 o'clock to drop it off to be fixed. He introduces himself and holds out his hand, I reply and to my dismay take his hand, wishing that mere moments earlier I had takes the extra 5 seconds to dry my hand completely rather than letting the rest air dry. THEY WERE CLEAN THOUGH!
He makes small talk, I gauge his height. I'm thinking about 6'1" or 6'2". I came a little above his shoulder, but I was wearing my fuck-off heals, so those put me around 5'9, 5'9.5" so he was a bit taller still. He was cute with the small talk: how long have you been here? Where were you before? He grew up in a town that houses on of the locations of where I used to work. He confessed that he played the trumpet badly in high school and lamented about the fact that he was bad at typing on his blackberry.
We were out of the closed office for about 10 mins trying to debate whether or not we should knock. Another new colleague walked by and as HNG was talking to him, I shot off a quick Blackberry message to amuse my friends up stairs.
"I'm standing outside the office with Hot New Guy." I actually wrote hot new guy, not his actual name.
"Lucky!" came the response from upstairs.
Next thing I knew we decided to knock on the door. It opened and the help lady took our phones.
"Nice to meet you!" He said and took off.
I went back to my desk and declared how cute he was and the girl I had been messaging asked me if I got her message.
"Yes! It said 'Lucky' right?"
"No! The other one when I said "Are you just talking or making out?"
"Oh no! I never got that, it must have come in AFTER they took my phone!" After that we can't stop laughing. This is just going to add to our reputation here at work, but oh well! We got a good laugh out of it.
Besides, what's the worse that could happen? HNG could find out that I find him attractive? I'm sure it wouldn't be a surprise, he HAS to know he's cute.
We kept an eye on the message, but it was never read, and then the Help Lady, (who now needs a new name like "the fuck up lady" or the "completely useless Lady") completely wiped my blackberry.
Everything. Was. Gone. Messages, texts, pictures, emails, folders, setting, vanished.
It had taken me 2 hours to get everything to where I wanted it and in mere minutes she destroyed the whole thing. Needless to say I was agitated, but there was nothing I could do, but start from scratch.
It's up to snuff now.
Except I still don't have my work email on it. SIGH........
Monday, October 27, 2008
New Toy
So I have a new toy that allows me to complete stunning acts such as this one:
"Hane I told you I love my blackberry!? :-) well I do! Fo sho! Haha... -I may also be a little tipsy...- only hope that adds to my charm!
Kate
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T" (copied and pasted)
Yes.... Lovely isn't it? It was also sent at 10:25 in the evening on Friday. I know you were probably thinking, maybe 1 or 2 in the morning. Nope, 10:25 is the new time for drunk emailing on your brand spanking new Blackberry.
Poor G. I really do feel bad for him, that he is my default for all my stupid behavior. Though that is probably better than sending that stuff to D. I had already made a fool out of myself enough with him that day.
Gosh...Someday I'll be normal, but then would that even be fun?
"Hane I told you I love my blackberry!? :-) well I do! Fo sho! Haha... -I may also be a little tipsy...- only hope that adds to my charm!
Kate
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T" (copied and pasted)
Yes.... Lovely isn't it? It was also sent at 10:25 in the evening on Friday. I know you were probably thinking, maybe 1 or 2 in the morning. Nope, 10:25 is the new time for drunk emailing on your brand spanking new Blackberry.
Poor G. I really do feel bad for him, that he is my default for all my stupid behavior. Though that is probably better than sending that stuff to D. I had already made a fool out of myself enough with him that day.
Gosh...Someday I'll be normal, but then would that even be fun?
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